Going back to intimacy after giving birth can seem scary, even impossible. In fact, some new moms swear they’ll never have sex again. Ever!
According to research, there are several key changes that stand in the way of a fulfilling sex life shortly after giving birth. Most women questioned in the study quoted above experienced some anxiety linked to the way their body had changed after the pregnancy and birth. There were also concerns about insufficient sleep, libido discrepancies and the worries of parenting.
Once you’ve been cleared by your doctor to go back to sex, you may still feel reluctant. Taking it slow and having a considerate, gentle partner, however, will contribute to a truly enjoyable experience.
If your libido is low, however, or you had a traumatic birth experience, you should probably wait some more time (regardless of being cleared by your doctor).
Still not sure what to do and how to reclaim your sex life after giving birth? The following guide could help you overcome some of the most common challenges standing in the way of marital bliss.
Will Anything Change After Birth?
Most women, especially those that went through a natural delivery, are concerned if things down there would be the same.
Your vagina, uterus and cervix will return to their normal size but obviously, some time will be needed for that to happen.
You should also keep in mind that your body is going through some hormonal turmoil because of the pregnancy and the delivery.
These hormonal ups and downs can lead to some changes in the sexual experience.
Some women report experiencing issues like vagina dryness, extreme sensitivity, pain, soreness or a completely gone sex drive. All of these changes are hormone-related. Some of them can be addressed through the use of products like a lubricant. The others will simply take time to pass.
Do experiment with sex when you feel ready for it. If things are different or somewhat uncomfortable, ask your partner to be gentler. Getting properly aroused before moving on to penetration will be of vital importance, both when it comes to your confidence and the physical experience of sex itself.
Be in Charge!
If you’re usually the passive party in the bedroom, you should definitely change that dynamic with your partner.
Take control – this is a perfect time to learn something new about yourself, about your body and what you like.
If you prefer to be touched a certain way or you’re looking for a gentler, slower experience – communicate that with your partner. They aren’t a mind reader, even if you’ve been together for a decade and a half.
Get on top! When you choose a position like the cowgirl or reverse cowgirl, you control the depth and speed of penetration. These positions also allow you to experiment with angles and directions so that you can have a bit of clitoral stimulation on top of the penetration.
Consider Family Planning and Protection
Unless you’re looking forward to having another child immediately, you should consider a reliable form of protection against pregnancy.
While exclusive breastfeeding does reduce your chances of getting pregnant, it’s not always a reliable contraception method.
The pill and patches are both great choices for women who are not breastfeeding. Other than that, the good, old condom will also get the job done.
If you don’t want another child immediately, you could be reluctant about sex. Again – you need to discuss the situation with your partner and make sure you’re both on the same page as far as family planning goes.
Get Some Sexy Stuff to Help You
Many women report that post-partum sex does not feel good in the very beginning.
Penetration could be painful or you could lose some of your sensitivity (such issues are temporary). While you’re going through such changes, however, you can definitely explore alternative forms of sexual stimulation.
The good news is that the market already features a wide range of toys and products you can use to expand your sexual horizon, like a remote clit vibrator.
Adult toy retailers like HotCherry feature huge collections of sex toys for couples. There are clit suction toys, vibrators for couples, anal toys and so many other options you can test out.
Sex is not just about penetration. There’s so much more you can do. Foreplay, sensual massages, petting, oral sex, passionate kissing, mutual masturbation and tantric sex are all highly satisfactory and a lot of fun for both parties involved. Sex is a lot more than the typical things that we do and chances are that you’ll discover at least a couple of activities that will give you intense pleasure without involving anything uncomfortable.
Start Planning Sex
The final thing that needs to be discussed is being a new parent and having to handle all of the responsibilities stemming from having a brand new family member.
Many couples that have just become parents will feel way too exhausted to even consider sex.
There are two ways to work around the fatigue.
The first one is to understand that quickies are your new best friend. You should give up on long bedroom sessions for some time. Chances are that the two of you simply lack the energy for such activities.
The second is planning.
Yes, scheduling sex is obviously not the most romantic thing on the face of the planet.
When you’re dealing with feeding schedules, a colicky baby, diaper changes and the lack of sleep, having a sexy schedule would be the best way to get in the mood.
Don’t push yourself too hard and don’t force stuff. You’re going through numerous physical and emotional changes right now. While parenthood is incredibly rewarding, it can also be so stressful.
So, take your time and talk to your significant other. Don’t leave them in the dark when it comes to your emotions, fears and plans. If you’re discussing the things that matter to both of you, chances are that you will come up with a viable solution sooner or later.