Most people make comments to moms and dads-to-be with the intention of being supportive and helpful and that intent is greatly appreciated. Even with good intentions some comments just throw you when they are made. These are just a few of the ones said to me that stood out and responses I really wanted to give, but instead I politely nodded.
1. “You won’t be able to babywear because they will be premies and it’s dangerous to wear babies with severe health issues” Said to me 2 days after finding out I was having twins. Because it’s not an “if” it’s a “will” and it’s such a supportive thing to say to someone after life altering news. We should always tell women the worst case scenario will happen to them and their babies. It’s so helpful to their emotional well being.
2. “You’re going to have to stop homeschooling your oldest now” – True, my life is about to get infinitely more difficult so obviously the easiest solution is to make sure I have my five year old, two year old, and newborn twins all woken up, fed, dressed to walk outside for 10 minutes in winter weather by 8:30am 5 days a week. It’ll also be so much easier to make sure no one is napping or nursing at 3:30 every day to do it all over again for pick up. And doing it all alone will be cake. So glad someone mentioned how much easier that’ll be on me than simply finding time to read a book or set up a craft, or do a little work together after dinner.
3. “Make sure you have help in the hospital because you won’t be able to move after your c-section” – Said by a twin mom I met at a playground. Even when I mentioned that I was planning a vaginal birth she was kind enough to laugh at me and assure me it would never happen. I wish I had the crystal ball she did. Twins are expensive, I could really use the lottery numbers for next week.
4. “Twins are pretty easy. Once they can sit on their own you can leave them and they basically take care of themselves” Is this twin specific? Why did no one tell me this with my first two kids? Life could’ve been so much easier if I knew they were self sufficient and I could leave them to do groceries, or even just shower.
5. “I hope you’re not planning to breastfeed. That’s going to take too much time” Actually, I would love nothing more than to breastfeed but thanks for reminding me of my medical issues which will make it impossible for me to do so. Sticking them in a wrap and popping a boob in their mouth while I continue on with my day would be infinitely harder than making/warming up bottles and stopping my whole day/life to sit down and feed them. Especially in the middle of the night. So glad I won’t be able to just roll over and nurse. And the time I will spend hunting down as much safe donor milk as I can to feed 2 babies for 12 months. Oh won’t bottles be such a time saver. Thanks for the advice.
6. “You’re going to have someone stay with you and help you for the first few months, right?” Are you volunteering? I’ll just take that as you signing up. I appreciate that. Unfortunately, my husband has to work to pay for luxuries we’ve come accustomed to. Things like a roof over our head, food in our bellies, electricity, you know the fun extras in life like those.