Are you going through a divorce? It’s an emotional time, where, even in the best of circumstances, everyone is stressed. In order to keep it as smooth as possible, you might want to take a look at our guide. Read on for our guide to top tips for divorced parents.
Establish boundaries
If you’re going through a divorce, one of the first things you’re likely to deal with is a newfound sense of freedom. Depending on the relationship, this can be liberating and precious, and possibly something your co-parent will want to take from you.
You will now need to create boundaries in your relationship and understand that they work both ways. You no longer have the right to know who they are seeing, how they spend their time, etc. as much as they don’t get to know about your private life and anything that doesn’t affect your children.
As for what you share, run everything you want to say through a filter of “only what they need to know”. They need to know you can’t take the kids that weekend because you have plans, they don’t need to know what you’re doing.
If you need some extra advice, contact divorce lawyers from Cordell and Cordell for support.
Learn how to communicate
This idea of establishing new boundaries can put communication through the wringer. If you have a less than friendly relationship with your co-parent, you will have to find new ways to talk, be civil, and make plans without crossing any boundaries.
Even with a friendly separation, chatting like old friends can cross a line. You will have to make sure they are on board with still talking like that. It’s no longer your business what they did at the weekend, who they are hanging out with, how their mother is doing. Unless it is of relevance to the kids, keep it off the table.
Keep communication via recorded means, like texting, messaging, and apps. Consider downloading a shared calendar app to make plans easier to make with less negotiating, and, if necessary, as a record of what was said for the future.
Keep your opinion away from your kids
It can be very damaging to your relationship with your children to keep badmouthing their other parent. Rather than the expected result of your children’s opinion of the other parent going down, their opinion of you will go down. Not only will you put undue stress on them, but you will push them closer to the other parent and away from you.
Have faith in your kids. They will eventually understand that actions speak louder than words, and that gifts don’t hold a candle to quality time. It might take a while, but if a co-parent isn’t pulling their weight, your children will eventually notice.
In the meantime, gripe to your friends and family about how they only feed them McDonalds, so you look like the bad guy for trying to get your kids to eat their veggies. Tell your friends that Santa didn’t get credit for the haul at Christmas at the co-parent’s house, which was the most interaction the co-parent had with their kids in weeks. Get whatever you need to off your chest to avoid saying it in front of your kids.
