Our group on our first day in Venice, before the incident. I’m furthest to the right. What I’ll tell my daughters is that while traveling you may be anonymous, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt. Be cautious, but unafraid.
When I awoke on the bright spring morning of March 21st, 1986 in a pensione in Venice, Italy, I didn’t expect the day to end on a dark, deserted beach with an Italian boy I’d just met pinning me to the ground hissing in my ear that he had “un coltello” (a knife) and that “ho intenzione di ucciderti” (he’d kill me) if I didn’t “f–k” him.
Getting dressed that morning I didn’t know I’d have an out-of-body experience where I seemed to float above the scene, looking down at the two bodies grappling on the sand below feeling profoundly sad that my mom might never know what happened to me after I died on that beach so far from home.
I managed to survive my attack, and, all these years later, I’m a mother now. My daughters are 9 and 11. The thought of them ever being in a similar situation is intolerable.
Bad things can happen no matter how prepared and careful we are. But when my girls are old enough I’m going to share my story with them and hope they’ll see the 7 Warning Signs For Date Rape that I missed.
1. Your Date Tries To Get You To Ignore Your Instincts.
When my friends and I were dining in Italy a handsome Italian boy we didn’t know joined us for dinner.
It was enjoyable, but as we were leaving with him two of his friends seemed to magically appear out of nowhere and asked to join us.
My gut told me this was a bad idea, but after a lot of coaxing and cajoling we allowed all three boys to join us.
2. Your Date Wants To Take You To A Secluded Location.
My friends and I accompanied all three boys to a deserted beach even though we didn’t want to go. We were charmed and badgered into going.
3. Appearances Lull You Into A Sense Of Safety.
The boy who attacked me was very handsome and I must admit, because of this, I trusted him.
4. Your Date Encourages You To Drink Or Take Drugs.
My friends and I were plied with wine when none of the boys would drink.
5. Your Date Tries To Separate You From Your Friends.
My date encouraged me to stay behind with him on the beach when my friends wanted to leave.
6. Accomplices and Conspiracies: There may be multiple perpetrators who conspire to commit the crime.
I believe all three boys were in cahoots about separating my friends and I in order to get us to have sex with them.
7. Date Rapists Amp Up Their Attack Gradually So The Victim Doubts Herself.
My friends and I were with the boys for well over an hour before they managed to separate us. When my date kissed me I was initially happy about it. I wanted romance. As the kissing progressed though, I felt uncomfortable, but was sure I was just being paranoid. Unfortunately that lapse in reaction time helped the other two boys get my friends off of the beach. Shortly after that, my date made his intentions clear. He had planned all along to try to rape me.
Shannon’s full story and message of being vigilant while always remembering Rape is Not Your Fault can be found here, It Happened To Me: A Letter About Date Rape For My Daughters.
Email me: shannoncolleary@aol.com
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