Yesterday, I hastily went to the dermatologist after a moment of insanity. I had determined from Googling what I always determine after Googling a health questions: that I must have a fatal disease.
The doctor walked in, and I announced that I had already diagnosed myself with melanoma and we could skip the formalities and get to cutting. He looked at my mole and goes, “Yeah, a-typical; it needs to be removed.” Well, even though that clearly was less serious than melanoma, I perked up. Normally, doctors laugh at my health paranoia, but this guy (semi) agreed with me! “Oh my gosh, Has it spread to my lymph nodes?! My internal organs?! How much longer do I have?” Then I got the usual response, “Whoa, slow down there! I am fairly certain it is just a-typical. I’m making sure it doesn’t turn into melanoma! You’re safe!”
I expected the usual protocol with dermatologists. Make an appointment for a simple surgery a couple of weeks from now. More waiting, more trips.
Not so…This guy was speedy. I may be in love.
Within seconds, he had removed a couple of moles and after that he turned to my face…
“You have melasma!”
“Yes, I know I just got it from my malaria medica…”
“You have acne!” (Hopefully, he does not use these hasty lines on his dates.)
“Get her bleaching cream and do some extractions…You could really use a chemical peel!”
Awesome, I thought. I’m sure we can’t afford it, but that will definitely be a different day.
As soon as “awesome” had left my mouth, I had the peel on my face. I kept thinking Brian was going to flip out when he returns home to his charred wife who just emptied their bank account for her barbarous beauty treatments.
Well, it turns out my insurance covers this stuff! My malaria medication? No…apparently that is not considered important preventative care, but a chemical peel? My insurance feels like that is a necessary procedure. Anyway, I’m not questioning it, I’ll take what I can get.
What I didn’t have time to mention or think about was the fact that we are going out of town this weekend and plan to be spending a ton of time at the ocean and in the sun!
“No!” the nurse said…
“You must use a hat! Your skin will start peeling in a day or two and if you go in the sun you can get hyper-pigmentation!”
(I was trying to get rid of my melasma (hyper-pigmentation) I didn’t want anymore…)
What I also forgot to realize was I am on a panel tomorrow at a book launch party! (The book is called Have Milk will Travel, awesome, right?) Hopefully I don’t distract everyone with my raw peely face. It reminds me a little of the Sex and the City episode when Samantha went to Carrie’s book release party after a chemical peel.
The Pump Station is putting on this awesome event that is touching on the lighthearted aspects of breastfeeding! All the proceeds go to Mothers to Mothers, a non-profit helping prevent mother to child transmission of HIV!
I love the ladies of The Pump Station, so this should be a lot of fun, and the flyer made me laugh.
“Jamie Lynne Grumet Time Magazine’s Breastfeeding Mom” – Truthfully, that is how probably most people I don’t know would be able to connect me with something they know, so I’m totally owning it, but let’s face it, it’s also a ridiculous title! Brian and I were cracking up…