This morning, I was reading an article on the Barbour adoption abuse case.
Adoption abuse cases from Ethiopia (most recently, Hana’s story and the case of the Barbour’s) have been making me think a lot about my evolving views on adoption.
It’s hard to look at my beautiful, loving family and sit in the question. Our decision to adopt is not something we regret..not by a long shot. However, the more we learn about the ethics of adoption (both international and domestic), the more we want to spread the important message of family preservation whenever possible.
This is something we have to live with as a family, so we move forward in other ways.
I realized this morning, when Samuel asked me what I was reading, that I’ve never really asked him about these issues. This is probably because he was too young, but maybe more because I was afraid of what he might say.
I decided to ask him if I could interview him on the topic of adoption. Since both the recent abuse cases were connected to the Christian Adoption Movement, I felt that was a good place to start.
He’s letting me share these answers with you. Not only because they are insightful, but because he wants people to know what one adopted child thinks about adoption.
- Me: Do you know what the Christian adoption movement is?
- S: No…
- Me: It’s a movement where people are told by their Church that God may be calling them to adopt children who don’t have families.
- S: Did God really say that?
- Me: Do you feel like God is involved with growing a family?
- S: Yep.
- Me: So, does that sound okay to you?
- S: Kids without families? Yep… If you don’t have a family and want a family.
- Me: What if they had a living parent?
- S: No, they shouldn’t adopt those kids.
- Me: Why?
- S: They should help them stay with their families.
- Me: Why?
- S: I don’t remember living there…so I don’t know if it would have been better if I stayed with Ama (birth mother), but I would have been really sad if I lost my family in Ethiopia.
- Me: Is birth family important?
- S: Sure. Especially when I grow up.
- Me: Why?
- S: I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. It just is.
- Me: How do you feel about a family who may not want to adopt a child, but they do because the Church is telling people about the miracle of adoption to save really poor kids? Let’s say a family ends up adopting a child they are excited to bring into their home, but they aren’t prepared to handle the new person in their home.
- S: That sounds like trouble.
- Me: Why?
- S: Kids don’t want to be saved.
- Me: What do you mean?
- S: I don’t want my mom and dad to feel sorry for me.
- Me: Can you explain this a little more?
- S: I’m adopted. I’m with my family. I have two families. It’s cool. Do you feel sorry for yourself and your other kids? …Why would I be different?
- Me: That’s deep, dude.
- S: I know…
- Me: Okay, what about the kids with living relatives who are placed in orphanages?
- S: What about them?
- Me: Do you think those kids should be adopted?
- S: Do they have a choice?
- Me: Well, they don’t…but the family who adopts them does.
- S: Isn’t it expensive to adopt?
- Me: Yes.
- S: What if everyone used the money they were going to use to adopt and put it into keeping the families together?
- Me: You mean put in infrastructure in an area to keep birth families together?
- S: I don’t know what infrastructure means.
- Me: [Explains infrastructure.]
- Me: The only problem is those people want to adopt a child. Now they will have no money left to adopt.
- S: But you just said the Church is telling them to save a child.
- Me:…
- S: What does God want?
- Me: I think that totally depends on the family.
- S: Well, what does the Bible say?
We then looked up every single verse about orphans.
- S: Who are the widows?
- Me: a woman who has lost her husband.
- S: Oh, she’s the mom.
- Me: Sometimes.
Then he zoned in on Exodus 22:22 “Do not take advantage of the widow or orphan.”
- S: I know what taking advantage or someone is.
- Me: Yes, I know you do.
- S: Isn’t that what the Church is doing?
- Me: What do you mean?
- S: It says here [in Psalm 68:5] and here [in Psalm 82:3] that God defends the widows and orphans and he says we should, too.
- Me: Yes…
- S: How are we defending them when we are taking them away from each other? Why would someone do that?
- Me: I don’t know.
- S: I do.
- Me: You do?
- S: Yes. That’s an easy one! People want to see the good things they do. Africa is far away. If they save the child and bring him home you can see him every day.
- Me:…
- S: And the church gets bigger. Doesn’t a church want to grow?
- Me: … [speechless]
