Being ignored by someone as if you didn’t exist is horrible, however how do you deal with it. This article goes through 6 smart ways to do so.
1. Don’t chase ghosts.
You have to understand that the ghost will not be coming back no matter what rationale you use to justify their behavior. Of course, their mother got sick or they had a major project at their work and couldn’t make time for you.
Unfortunately, the fact of the matter is that you were not high enough on their priority list to deserve a call to let you know what has been happening, not even a text message? So put your phone aside and stop expecting it will suddenly blip to life and make you feel all warm and fuzzy once more. Hide the phone behind a barrier of self-control and make no effort to contact them even if you are dying to know what happened.
2. Don’t talk to ghosts, either.
Bumping into someone who has already ghosted you can feel like an especially embarrassing event. Some of my clients have actually suffered from anxiety attacks after they met a person in this way.
The best way to deal with a ghost is to treat them as if they were completely invisible. If you can’t avoid actually recognizing that they exist, they deserve nothing more than a cordial smile, perhaps a nod if you are feeling generous and that is all. If you stop to ask them for an explanation, you will only be giving the ghost more life and power in yours. This is the best thing you can do when dealing with a confused man.
3. It’s all about them.
After we have ended a relationship no matter how deep it may have been, it is only natural to look inside yourself for the clues that can keep this from happening again.
Once again this is giving the ghost too much power. Remember that being ghosted is not about you, it is about the social MO of your ghost.
What you should see is that your ghost has given you a flash of insight into themselves and the way that they deal with their intimate relationships, when things get too hard, they will run and hide rather than standing and fighting. Basically, they only do what works for them, is that the kind of person you really want in your life?
4. Ghosts don’t all wear the same-sized sheet.
It is worth your time to make a sort of rogue’s gallery for this person who ghosted you. Upon closer inspection, there are actually a few types of ghosts that you may be unfortunate enough to meet.
The first is the avoidant ghost that runs away from anything difficult like a conflict. There are lazy ghosts, these are the ones that can’t be bothered with doing anything difficult even if it means being fair. Then there are mean ghosts that have no care or empathy for the feelings of others. Finally, there is the half ghost that will flit and flutter in and out of your life on their own terms, they like to have many options.
Of course, ghosts are not always bad people that have an agenda to hurt you, typically, they are just regular folk looking for the easy way out of a situation they may not be sure how to handle. Most often, ghosts are reenacting behavior they have experienced and demonstrating operating styles that come from their own personal histories. But, none of them are worth your time and energy and certainly not your love.
5. Know that ghosting hurts.
Of course, you know this by now. It hurts to be left in the lurch with no clue as to what happened.
It is a lesson that all of us should be very aware of when we want to break up with someone. Hosting may seem like the easiest way out of a situation that we don’t like, especially when we are young and inexperienced. But make no mistake that ghosting is not kind or easy on anyone. No need to give any long lists of information for why you are leaving, but it would be good to have the courage to let them know it is over. Face to face is always best, phone calls are the acceptable second, but even a text message will suffice.