We Never Felt Too Young Make That Commitment
I’ve noticed that it is socially acceptable to criticize or belittle marital unions of young people. I’m not really sure why. People will also give the explanation of youth as the reason why their first marriage failed. This could very well be true, for them. However, I want people to know that choosing to marry young is a very real and authentic choice.
I met Brian when I was 16 and he was 21. He was the first respectable guy who said I was too young for him and cut off all contact with me. A couple years later he called me up and we began dating. We were married when I was 21 and he was 26.
My mother married my father on her 20th birthday. My father was only 21 and it set them up for criticism due to their ages. She said she was happy she married right out of adolescence. She explained to me that because they were both young, they grew together. They were not set in their ways.
I remembered this when I had people questioning Brian and my choice to marry at our age. We knew it was the right decision. With that being said, I think we can both say we weren’t prime marriage material. We were both young and self centered, and had obvious flaws. Sometimes I wonder if because we were not polished and primed that is why we worked so well. Or it may be because we also were both committed to a marriage, and truly loved each other.
In our few years of marriage we have already grown so much, through our experiences together. From Brian falling asleep on the way home from work and almost getting killed by hitting a semi-truck, coming close to losing my life and Aram’s in my pregnancy (and the PTSD that followed)- to the Adoption of Samuel and all that entailed. We are in it for the long haul.
I am so thankful I have been able to witness Brian from the beginning, without much life experience, to a man that I admire more than anyone, and is truly the definition of a hero. I hope he would agree I have also changed for the better since we’ve been together.
So, next time you want to take an easy jab at couple you consider too young to marry, just remember some of those “kids” know exactly what they are doing.
My marriage failed and I had plenty of life experience and was not “young.” Age (or lack thereof) is not a component to assess the worthiness of the decision to commit your life to someone. It is the connection you feel. In hindsight, I never one time looked at my ex the way I see you look at your husband in every photo I’ve seen. If I could go back in time I would have married young… to the guy who respected me and who I dumped because I thought I was too young. What did he do? He married the girl he began dating after me. They married young and they are still together. *shrugs* Ce la vie.
Aw, thanks Laura!
I know what a great person you are. I love playing matchmaker and so does Brian! You should let us find you someone you deserve!
You’re hired! Just find me an awesome (and hot) guy who is willing to relocate to Atlanta.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaah I CAN NOT AGREE MORE with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get so SICK of people’s derogatory, snide comments about marriage in general, and young marriage is certainly no exception. I see it as just one more way of satan perpetuating his lies about something God has made very good. it really is a messed up mindset that the MAJORITY of society seems to have now, even most Christians. I very much believe in young people understanding marriage with a proper perspective and getting married young. I have said many times how I believe it’s good for people to grow together – I think all this trial and erroring that people are trying to do before marriage is ridiculous, and a sign that people are going into marriage with the wrong perspective completely.
Christina! Oh man, sorry it happened to you, but it’s nice to know someone who has been there.
I love being able to grow together, too.
Your family is absolutely beautiful, inside and out- how can people be so blind?
I was almost 23 and my wife was 21 when we got married. Although we’ve had a few rough patches in our marriage, we just celebrated our 21st anniversary earlier this month. Oh, and did I mention we were engaged after only dating a few weeks? Getting married young doesn’t mean anything other than you have a better shot at those landmark anniversaries (50th, 75th)
Ha! Exactly Jeff…we still might be alive to hit 75th. I find some strange satisfaction in that!
Jamie this is lovely. Good for you! You will definitely have more energy for life as a family since you are younger.
LOL I am exhausted, but maybe it would be worse if I were going all of this 20 years older.
My dh and I met at 20, and turned 21 together. When we got engaged at 23 we heard a lot of criticism about our age. I get it. But the flip side of the coin is this – relationships can be harder when you are older and more set in your ways. There is something to be said for growing together.
Exactly. There are pros and cons with anything.
I personally am glad I got married and had kids when I did, and I wish that society would respect that, too.
When I was in design school I used to listen to Dr Toni Grant. A young girl (I think about 18 years old) called and said she and her boyfriend wanted to get married and they were getting grief on all sides. Dr. Grant asked what her plans were, and she answered with a very distinct list that she and the fiance’ had compiled. Dr Grant gave them her blessing, because they were clearly mature enough at their young ages to do such a thing. I think that if your example at home is a loving marriage, you will strive to have that feeling continue in your adult life. Marrying young to a respectable man who will cherish you will save you a ton of heartache. When the kids go to college you’ll be younger than I am and can do whatever you like! Awesome! xoxo
Ha, having kids young is a whole other can of beans! I am happy that we will still be relatively young when my kids are grown. My parents had me at 35, and they call me their “later in life baby” that was also a wonderful way to be raised.
My sister liked being raised with my mom being young- I guess it is all your own perspective.
But..I definitely think lasting love can happen at any age. Young or old, and it should be accepted in both forms.
as a person that did everything older – (there is as much criticism for that btw) – I think what matters most is that whatever age you decide to get married or find ‘the’ person – there is an understanding of what it really means to be married -some people realize this and find that person earlier – some people take a few times to get it ‘right!’ and some just don’t put it all together until later. Age can be a factor but there are so many more significant components to make a marriage -
Jeannine, I’ve heard that if you do things older criticism comes with that, as well.
That is crazy that there is this very small socially acceptable window of time that people want everyone to get married and reproduce at.
Glad you didn’t give in to the pressure and did things in your own time, as well!
I love that you wrote on this. Mr. G proposed 3 months after meeting me when he was 19 and I was 20. Apart from those first 3 months, the rest of our courtship was long distance (with me finishing up my degree at Florida State, and him starting his career in Los Angeles). A year later, three weeks after I graduated from college, he flew in two days before the wedding to marry me and then whisked me off to Los Angeles to begin our life together. This summer we celebrated our 15th year of wedded bliss. I’m grateful for having married young. I get to spend more time with the man of my dreams! Getting married young does not automatically doom the marriage.
Aw, I love you both……and it is crazy how young you guys are and you’ve been married for 15 years! I hope to be as spry as you when we hit 15 years.
“Getting married young does not automatically doom the marriage.”
Amen to that.
While statistically it’s true that more younger marriages break up., it’s no reason to make fun or criticize. Some people are mature and meet the right person early, and there are advantages to marrying young. There’s also something really wonderful about finding love when you’re young — an intensity and innocence. Plus you’re not set in your ways; you can be more flexible and grow together. I myself would love to have married in my early 20s. I felt ready and thought my first love was THE ONE. Alas…
Looking back, my 20s were tumultuous, adventurous, challenging. I worked a lot of things out within myself during those years, experiencing a lot, changing a lot; and became the person who would then meet my husband at 31. The two of us often wish we could have met earlier so we’d have more years together, but if we’d met when I was, say, 23, it would not have worked. I was always mature beyond my years, but seem to have done everything late. At least I look about 5-10 years younger than my age — so that helps!
Marriage is always a risk, and if you don’t know yourself very well or you’re blinded by sexual passion, you can make a bad decision about a life partner. That can happen at any age, but is perhaps some of the reason young marriages break up more often. If you can find a person with the same values, and with whom you can grow, and you share the same beliefs about marriage, you’re on your way.
I hope to be supportive if my children want to marry “younger”. I think it’s also, generally, a better time to be having babies, too. But there are advantages and disadvantages to marrying “young” and “old” — we need to stop making it about age.
So true, young people have a higher divorce rate. However, I wouldn’t look at statistics to make my life choices. Considering our national divorce average for any age is over 50% -if I listened to that I wouldn’t ever want to get married. The odds are not in our favor. lol
I think a lot of the reason for the crappy statistics is that a lot of our nation is without God. And really, marriage seems like a silly disposable concept without him as the foundation for it.
I wouldn’t be upset one bit about not getting married in your early 20s! Brian seems absolutely wonderful and worth the wait!
I always thought I’d get it all done when I was younger: marriage, kids, the house, etc. Talk about making WRONG choices. Thank goodness I didn’t end up doing it younger. However, if I had met Mr. Right (hubby) when I was 19 like you, I don’t even know if we would have dated, strange to think. He was into baseball and I into everything else besides baseball
I guess it all depends upon the person and where they are in their lives. Some people are ready when they are younger, some people just aren’t. If you find true love, go for it at ANY age!
Jennifer, good points! It is different for every person!
Some young people don’t have the opportunity to make it successful and stay together. So glad to see an example of someone who is making it work.
Thanks Eva!
I love this post. I remember when you got engaged, and we all knew you were in it for keeps, for the real forever. You are just like that, and you have always known what you want, so when the real thing came along, you smartly snapped it up! Anyone who spends a moment with you and Brian knows you have a love that can’t be messed with, regardless of age. And I love that he came back for you when you were 18!
LOL Thanks Whit! You got married pretty darn young yourself (and isn’t Bryan younger than you?) – I think it is a family thing. Grammy got married to Grandpa when she was 17!
It’s really so individual. My stepson and his wife married young, have two kids and are still madly in love after 11 years together. Other marriages don’t make it. There’s just no set formula. I’m glad you have happiness and celebrate it.
I wish I would have gotten married younger. I would have liked to have children earlier in my life. I’m 35 – my husband 43 and I feel like I would possibly have a 3rd child if we were younger. I also agree with the comment above mine- it is so individual.
I married VERY young the first time around and it was definitely age and immaturity on both our parts that did the marriage in. But I agree that that is not the case for everyone and just like anything else, making judgments without looking at the individual person or situation, is not fair. I know several young people who are a lot smarter than I was at their age!
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post. I was married at 22, and nearly 11 years later, we are going strong.
When its right, its right. Doesn’t matter the age.
First…your picture is just gorgeous. And I think that commitment is much more important than age. Who is to say that a certain age makes one old enough or mature enough for marriage? Love your post….XOXO
I’m on the fence on this one. Obviously your marriage has benefitted from starting young, but not all marriages work as well as yours has. Maturity plays a big role in the success of a marriage…something I lacked when I had kiddo number one. We weren’t married but it wouldn’t have made a difference if we were — it just would have prolonged the dissolving process. Plus I would have never met my now husband whom I love very much. Age did make a difference for me.
I think the big factor here that people are missing is the one word that every marriage should be built on! COMMITMENT! Seriously. I was 19, my hubby 20, when we got married. Sure, we’ve had to grow up. Everyone does. But we choose to remain committed to each other, and to our marriage. THAT is what makes it work. Maturity sure helps, but we gain that along the way, by choosing to honour each other, put the other person first, deal with things within our marriage instead of looking outside of it. People are so ready to trash a marriage these days, and it makes me ill just thinking about it.
My hubby met at the age of 15 – got married at 20 – and still going strong!
My hubby and I just got married 5 months ago and we are having A BLAST. I was 20 (almost 21) and he was 24. I am in bliss every morning, noon, and night. It’s just great. It just feels right.
What surprised me is we got a lot more flack earlier on (we met at 16 and 19), and hardly any in the last year before we were married. My family in particular wanted me to travel the world and such. I wanted to travel WITH HIM. I guess everyone just gave up trying to convince us otherwise. We wanted to have a large family young. I know all of this is a challenge, but it just takes budgeting and effort.
I reached this post off of a link on a friend’s facebook page. It was lovely to read and to see your beautiful picture. My hubby and I married very young – he had just turned 22 and I was just shy of 20. This summer we will celebrate – with joy and love! – our 18th wedding anniversary! We have four beautiful children together (our first when I was just 21) and a massive collection of memories – both happy and otherwise. I cannot imagine having made a “better” choice at any other age. HE was my choice and he happened to come along when we were very young. We are completely committed to a marriage that lasts this whole life and beyond! Happiness in marriage has nothing to do with age, but everything to do with attitude! Good for you guys – hope you live a glorious marriage and life and can see your 75th together!
My husband and I were highschool sweethearts and got married when we were both 19. We got pregnant 6 months later so were 20 when we had our first baby. People that we met back then, seeing we were so young, married and parents, assumed we got married because I was pregnant and would make the most ridiculous comments about it! We finally started responding, “No. We got married because we love eachother, our daughter is the evidence of that.”
As others have said being married young really does cause you to grow up together. We have been through some pretty hard times, but God is faithful. Almost 13 years and four more children later, we are more jn love and more passionate about the covenant we made to each other so young.
My hubby and I were 20 and 21 when we got married and I absolutely agree that it has allowed us to grow together! We celebrate 5 years (and 2 babies) this August
It’s only getting better!
I totally agree! I was 19 and my husband was 21 when we got married and everyone thought we were crazy. We just celebrated 12 years of marriage (& have 3 children) and it’s true, watching your spouse grow from a teenager to a mature adult is so magic! It’s a gift and I am so thankful!
Great post!
I got to hear all this and more multiple times as a blogger. My husband and I were 20 when we met, and 21 when we got married. I was pregnant right after I turned 22 (we had been married less than a year). It was on purpose, thankyouverymuch. I had plenty of people tell me I shouldn’t even think about kids until 25, or 30…. And some tell me I shouldn’t even think about marriage until 30! Umm…that’s fine for you, but I like it better my way.
I’m now a 27-year-old mom who’s been married for 6 years and has three small children. And I wouldn’t change it.
My in-laws married at 19 and 20 respectively. They’ll celebrate their 60th anniversary next year. Their six kids, in-laws, dozens of grandkids and great-grandkids have a wonderful example.
My husband and I married at 21 and 20 respectively. We’ll celebrate 27 years in August. There were hard years (decades!), but God is good and our marriage is now great because we were both too stubborn to consider leaving. It was hard, but I’m so thankful we saw it through.
Because we married so young, we were able to have 9 kids and are eager for the imminent arrival of our first grandbaby. Because we had so many, I’m not yet facing that empty nest that so many friends my age are having to deal with, and when I finally get there, I’ll have a passel of grandkids to keep me busy. I wouldn’t have changed anything!
I have to say that sometimes the remarks can be rude but at other times, I think people become over-sensitive. And it’s all relative anyway. I mean, I got married when I was 23 and my husband was 25. But, the city I live in the “average age” for marriage is when a man is 40 and a woman is in her mid-30s so I have heard so many, many times about “how young” we were when we got married. We’ve been married only 6 years so we’re not “out of the woods” yet but even looking back now I can definitely agree that we WERE YOUNG…not even age-wise but we certainly had a lot to learn! And 10 years from now I will look back at my current self and say, “Wow! I was so young!” But, I think that most people who comment, “Wow! You were so young when you got married! You were like a baby!” don’t mean any harm and I think it’s ridiculous to get offended about these types of things. As far as the people who are truly rude about it…forget them! It’s their opinion and they are entitled to it. I also know people who got married when they were barely 18-years-old. My mother got married when she was 18-years-old and was married for 25+ years and her marriage to my father ended in divorce. The cause of their problems was not age–it was selfishness. Another friend got married when he was 18-years-old and has been married for 14 years and he can honestly look back and see that he and his wife were naive when they got married but they’ve been able to make it work. I know people who got married when they were 16-years-old and have been married for 50 years! Age doesn’t mean much–however, it’s important to recognize the heart with which people say things and not spend all one’s time getting offended. That’s just silly.
Nice to hear! I have a friend who married at 18, at 20 she has 2 kids and one of them was just diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. In many ways dealing with everything has been hard, but she is grateful for the energy, hope, and enthusiasm of youth to get through this. Most of my friends who married young have been grateful. In the words of a former roommate, “I’m glad I married him when I did (18ys) because I’ll have that many more years with him.”
A. Freaking. MEN!
I got married when I was 19 and my husband was 22. We are close to celebrating our two year anniversary and I am even more happy and in love than I was the day we said our vows! I can’t imagine my life without him and we have learned SO much about each other through this process of “growing up” and entering adulthood together.
When we first got married, we heard everything. All of it. Every criticism in the book. And I got SO tired of it. Who’s to say that just because I’m young that I am somehow incapable of a lasting, healthy and loving marriage?
My wife and I are getting ready to celebrate our 19th Anniversary. She was17 and I was 20 when we got married. I was in the Army when we first got married, and it was very hard for us. My wife has done amazing things. She has helped me through alot of issues and other things that went on. Over the time of our marriage I have come to find a woman that is strong beautiful and confident in who she is. With the life we have together now and for however long we have together we will face things holding hands and standing tall. It should not matter the age of the people getting married but it does depend on their maturity level and the ability to handle things together. It can work if they work on it together and stay strong.
Thank you so much for sharing such an inspiring article. We got married very young, (he was 24, I was 18) and contrary to what many would assume, it was not a shotgun wedding. Two years later, when I look back I can see that we were really, really young. But I don’t regret it. In those two years, we’ve bought our own home, had a child, and in many ways “grown up” together. I feel like I am a better person, and I am much more articulate in forming my goals and asserting my views. I love helping my husband start his own business, and at the end of the day, it’s a blessing to know that I am with my best friend. Sure, we’ll change as time goes by, but it is our desire to change together. Thank you again for being one of the few voices to say that young marriage isn’t by necessity a foolish decision.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now. We lived on the same hall our freshmen year at university and started dating at 18. I am now 21 and he is turning 22 next month and we are trying to get engaged in the next six months. People have a lot to say about the idea of us being so young but honestly, I never even wanted to get married OR have kids until I met him. When you know, you just know. We have had to grow up immensely but we got to do it together and as a result of each other. He is my first and only and I love that. God works in wonderful ways.
As a side note, we have also had to deal a lot with the fact that I am white girl and he is a second generation Filipino boy. People like to say a lot about that too. Because for some reason it’s okay for a white man and Asian woman to be together but not the opposite. People can be so silly.
I’m so glad you have found happiness in your young marriage. I am always wishing that I had met my husband earlier – we wasted so much time in our young lives being away from each other. Congrats on your happy marriage!