Here is the list. It isn’t pretty….
- Morning sickness is definitely not just in the morning, and can last for the entire pregnancy.
- After giving birth you go into a mini menopause- hot flashes and night sweats, oh don’t forget your hair falls out.
- If you try to sleep without a bra and breast pads when you’re lactating… the outcome won’t be pretty.
- Babies look like aliens when they’re born (I knew this, but it is different when you see your own alien for the first time).
- After you become a mom and urine gets on your clothing for whatever reason, you won’t bother changing. With vomit it is 50/50.
- When you have a newborn a day that includes a shower is a huge success.
- After having a baby poop becomes one of your favorite topics to discuss (to the horror of many of your childless friends).
- Your baby may scream for the entire duration of a car ride, and no, they never get used to it.
- Look for whiskers. Yeah, those lovely hormones start giving you one random coarse hair on your chin. The good news? It is so sporadic, after it is plucked you may not see it for another six months. The bad news? It is so sporadic, if you aren’t constantly looking for it you may have a 10 foot long hair by the time you catch it.
- Your bikini area isn’t the only place in that region that grows hair. I learned this when I got my first Brazilian wax, but I wish my mom would have given me a warning that your (wait for it) butt-hole area has hair, too. I went home and called my 30-year-old sister ( and mother of three at the time) who also had no idea there is hair in that area. Don’t believe me? Go take a pocket mirror and squat, and feast your eyes on a sight Rapunzel would be envious of. (Unless you’re one of those freaks of nature that is hairless *cough* JULIE *cough* in that case I hate you.)
I am dying. This is all so true…and I have sadly had nearly all the same shocking experiences. Re-mini menopause, don’t forget to add that you have a “period” for a month on top of the night sweats and leaky boobs. It was an adjustment to learn that I had to sleep in a bra! Oh and the brazilian experience…yeah, that was a bit shocking too. “You want me to get in WHAT position?”
Don’r forget, you’ll probably pee your pants more than once while coughing, laughing or just bending over.
Oh man…2 years out and it still happens!!
This is one of those moments I am quite grateful being the lesser sex, unable to produce such miraculous beings. (and no I am not talking about the whiskers-in-odd-places)
DD was born 3.5 months ago. Just started losing my hair. I cried the first morning I realized I had combed a small animal size of hair out. I am dreading my first period. I might nurse until she is 25, just to not have to experience it.