A Child’s Perspective on Same-Sex Relationships

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I posted the photo above yesterday on the blog Facebook page, and it was the first time I could visibly see the number of “likes” of the page drop within seconds.

I’ll give the people who were offended some credit, because they went quietly without any “I’m leaving” announcement (I still don’t understand the point of that. Not every facebook page is going to be one you decide is right to follow. Just unlike the page, don’t make it a big production when you exit.)

It has been on my mind how intolerant people still are towards same-sex relationships, and it made me wonder if we had really come that far at all. Then I heard this conversation today between Aram and Samuel.

Samuel: “No no, Aram…A wife can’t marry a wife and a husband can’t marry a husband…”

…I waited and listened to the rest of the conversation.

Aram: “Why not?”

Samuel: “Because it is against the law, so they can’t do it.”

Aram: “No it’s not…”

Samuel: “Yes it is! A police officer could come get them if they tried to get married- it is illegal.”

Aram: “No…Daddy wouldn’t do that.”

Samuel (very frustrated): “No no, Aram! Daddy wouldn’t do it, but laws are sometimes bad. A long time ago there was a law that brown and beige people couldn’t be a family.”

Aram (laughing): “That is silly…”

…then this segue:

Samuel: “I tooted.”

Then boys laughed and started happily playing superheroes.

I sometimes wonder, if children were left to their own devices to run the world, would it really be like Lord of the Flies or would it be a more civilized community (with flatulence). Are the adults the ones with the more savage mindset?



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16 comments

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  1. Sasha Jesse 23 March, 2013, 08:42

    That is very sweet. As a transgender dad who birthed his own child, I used to worry that explaining our family to our son would be difficult, but other trans dads assure me that children actually accept things more easily than anyone else does.

    And if you’re ever worried about the state of the world, George Takei has 3,733,222 likes (and counting), so there are a lot of accepting people, too!

    Reply this comment
  2. Amelia 23 March, 2013, 08:55

    I commend you for making your opinion known whether or not your fans agree. Equality is for everyone. As for children, I believe that intolerance and hatred are learned behaviors and children are naturally accepting and loving little creatures.

    On another note, I’m a recent follower and I’m really enjoying your blog. You have a beautiful family!

    Reply this comment
  3. Kara 23 March, 2013, 08:59

    Very cute. My 5 year old would fit perfectly into that freely-flatulent, egalitarian society. Older children can be quite cruel to each other, though. It would be interesting to know at what point those intolerant behaviors start to develop, and whether they are learned (i.e., from parents) or innate.

    Reply this comment
  4. Laura 23 March, 2013, 09:31

    You’re raising two special little guys there, Jamie! Fantastic job! xoxoxoxox

    Reply this comment
  5. Curious 23 March, 2013, 09:32

    Purely out of curiosity, not condemning or judgmental – how do you reconcile homosexuality and the Bible? I know it sounds ignorant, but I like hearing all the different sides. I know we’re supposed to love one another and not bash or hate or degrade others, I’m just wondering how you interpret the New Testament verses about homosexuality specifically.

    Reply this comment
  6. Carolyn 23 March, 2013, 11:14

    My circle of friends (I can’t say “our” as my husband has VERY different views) has included two same-sex couples since my kids were Samuel and Aram’s age. Uncles Marc & Nereo and Todd & Steve have been a huge part of my kids’ lives and their status has never been an issue. In fact, both Matthew (15) and Leila (13) were excited to participate in Uncle Todd and Uncle Steve’s wedding last fall. As you know we live in Toronto (Canada) where same-sex marriage is recognized so for the kids the focus was on the food, the fun of staying overnight in a hotel, dancing at the reception and for Matthew, getting to take sips of the grown-ups’ wine. Marc and Nereo were married the same year we were in 1996 (although at that time it was called a “Civil Union”) and have talked about having a vow renewal for their 20th anniversary.

    I have to believe that intolerance is learned as my kids hear two very different views on homosexuality in our house. Raouf is Arabic and I firmly believe that his culture helped shape his beliefs. My approach has always been that it should not matter who you love but how you love them. I remember very clearly when Matt first realized that Uncle Marc and Uncle Nereo were a couple. We were driving home from a Canada Day party when out of the blue he said, “So Mom? Uncle Marc and Uncle Nereo…that’s not a best friends situation is it?” I explained that it was a romantic situation, that his Uncles are just as married as his dad and I and I asked if he had any questions. He said, “Nope. I just wondered.” I remember talking to him again just before he started high school because I figured he may have some questions but when I approached the subject he said that he had heard all the homophobic words and phrases and thought it was silly. As far as he was concerned, for a same-sex couple, “that’s just how they roll”. It was both such a teenager appropriate response and a wonderful moment of me thinking how cool my kid is! Leila, maybe because she was that little bit younger has always been completely accepting of the couples in her life. Her excitement for the wedding was exactly as a teenaged girl’s should be: it was all about the perfect hair, dress and shoes. :)

    It’s obvious from Samuel’s explanation to Aram that you are raising two loving and accepting boys who know for sure what side of the issue they are on. God bless them both!

    Reply this comment
    • Mary Sane 25 March, 2013, 00:52

      Love your comment, “best friend situation”, haha! :D Smiling from ear to ear now. :)

      If kids are homophobic or rasistic (seriously don’t know how to spell that…) it’s most likely their surroundings that are talking through them…

      Reply this comment
  7. Jessie Belveal 23 March, 2013, 12:30

    it’s not illegal here in WA state… just saying lol.

    Reply this comment
  8. Beth 24 March, 2013, 19:37

    I think it is great the way kids grasp things sometimes. They aren’t tied down by social necessities. It also shows your open minded ways and parenting influences. My little cousins would not have had this conversation – very bigoted words would have been used.

    Reply this comment
  9. pierretteW 26 March, 2013, 06:00

    As a mother who identifies as bi, I am doing my best to ensure my child is raised to understand that there are lots of different families in the world and we should not judge who one loves. I think your kids conversations proves you are doing an amazing job raising them, they already understand at very young age that the laws are not always right and that change needs to happen.

    Reply this comment
  10. Amanda 26 March, 2013, 17:00

    My biggest concern is why are you teaching your kids man’s law and not God’s law when you are a Christian. Man’s law says that abortion is okay but God’s law says life starts at conception. Man’s law says have as much sex as you want before you are married where God’s law tells us to stay pure. Man’s law may eventually say that Gay Marriage is okay but God’s law definitely says other wise. Just because I don’t believe in gay marriage does not mean I hate gay people. Quite the contrary. I’m so sad to see you waiver this line and your stance on this issue, as a christian is definitely skewed. I will pray for open eyes for you!! Good luck on your journey!!

    Reply this comment
    • Kenda-Ruth 19 July, 2013, 08:47

      God’s law is interpreted differently by different people.
      I am Christian and I do not for a moment interpret God’s law as being against homosexuality. A lot of mans’ law’s get passed off as though they are God’s.
      So often people ASS-U-ME that to be Christian is to be against gay marriage. To be Christian is to be Pro-Love, Pro-Grace and Pro-Forgiveness. To be Christian is to Accept. What would Jesus Do? He would Love Anyway in any way.

      Reply this comment
  11. Julie 27 March, 2013, 08:10

    Love this! He’s exactly right.

    Reply this comment
  12. michelle cervo 8 April, 2013, 14:19

    I love this, I had a similar experience with my daughter, and I wrote about it on my blog!
    http://thesimplebean.wordpress.com/2013/03/27/marriage-playing-with-bunnies/
    This is the first time I stumbled across you blog, love it!

    Reply this comment
  13. L 22 April, 2013, 19:10

    Oh! I love this – and I love that Aram recognizes that laws are not always just or right. I hope my son will grow to have as open a heart as your sons appear to have. <3

    Reply this comment

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