California might be a place of many things, but universally happy families aren’t one of them. The divorce rate in the state is about 10% over the national average and 1.193 million men and 1.697 million women divorced. The worst thing about this situation is that it’s the children of California who suffer the most from this. The impact of parental separation on a child is deeply traumatizing.
The sad truth is that there is nothing you can do to avoid damage completely. According to 30+ years of study, aside from the cases of familial abuse, children of divorced parents always have worse results not only in academic performance but also in mental and physical wellbeing. Therefore, it’s essential that you do your very best to reduce the trauma of divorce for your child. You might not erase it completely, but you must minimize it.
3 Tips on How to Make Divorce Less Traumatizing for Kids
1. Make it quick and civil
There is no such thing as a stress-free divorce even if you are willing to part amicably. The legislation governing this process is convoluted at best and you might have to spend a lot of time arguing and dealing with the lawyers. To minimize the trauma for kids, you need to use the best way to get a quick divorce in California. This means applying for an uncontested divorce, filling out required forms, filing a petition with the court, and negotiating the terms of your divorce.
Note that even an uncontested divorce in California will take no less than six months to complete. Settling outside of court is essential if you want to get even that as well as avoid paying $15,400+ for a lawyer.
It’s no less important to be perfectly civil to each other during the proceedings. Parents arguing is the most traumatizing thing about the divorce for kids.
2. Explain to your kids what’s going on
You cannot spring a divorce on your children or keep them in the dark using ‘they are too young’ as an excuse. Your kids will be deeply affected by this change and you must never forget that no matter how mature yours appear, all children are self-centered by default.
This doesn’t mean that your child is selfish. This kind of self-centeredness comes from a simple fact that kids lack life experience and understanding of how great the world really is. Just think, everything in your child’s life has always been about them. Therefore, it’s only natural that they will apply the same logic to this situation.
This means your children will blame themselves in the divorce.
It might make no sense to you, but this is what happens in the overwhelming majority of cases. Therefore, it’s imperative that you talk to your kids and explain exactly what is going on and why. Don’t go into the gory details, but make it clear to your children that this is not their fault.
3. Get professional help
Talking your child through a divorce is one of the situations where help from a professional counselor will be invaluable. Arrange for a counseling course from the beginning to ensure your children have the help they need to adjust to these changes in the family.
Discussing the matter of divorce with your children, being civil with each other, and getting professional help are all essential for making the ordeal less traumatizing for your kids. No matter how bitter you are about whatever caused the separation, you cannot allow your personal feelings to spill over and hurt your child.
Hopefully, soon this won’t be such a major issue for Californian families. According to statistics, the divorce rate is dropping bit by bit. Couples of today get married later, which seems to translate into them making much better choices in life partners as they divorce much less often.