I know it i has been awhile since I posted on here. I wanted to address my background story with the TIME cover, but not dwell on it.
Kellymom.com did a Q and A with the four mothers (myself included) that participated in the photo shoot. It explains what happened from our perspectives and is definitely worth a look:
You Asked. They Answered TIME’s AP Moms Take Your Questions
I believe that article says all I needed to say, so there is no need to address it further on my blog.
However, I do want to share my gratitude to all of the people that have supported our family and understood our intentions from the beginning:
To my family:
What a blessing to have been raised in such a close, loving, and large family! The support from my parents, sister, nephew, nieces, in-laws, cousins, aunts, uncles, and of course- Grammy – is not surprising, but so very much appreciated. I love you all with all of my heart.
To my friends:
I have always known this, but I have chosen my friends wisely. I am honored each one of you has loved me back and shown what true friendship is all about. In the wake of all of this happening I was not prepared completely for the magnitude. You all jumped into action without asking – just did it out of love and protection. Monitoring my e-mails, my blog, and facebook page (and thank you for continuing to do so) so we didn’t have to see any silly negativity created from lack of education. We all knew it was there, but we didn’t have look at it. It was comforting to know you were all there handling these areas so my family didn’t have to.
To My breasfeeding and AP support groups:
My LLL ladies, Parenting Bloggers on FB, West Los Angeles AP, Target Nurse-In ladies, and all of the new friends I have made in the breastfeeding and AP communities. The encouraging words I have heard from each one of you has brought me to tears a number of times. You ladies are my heroes. You all stepped up (even if you did not ask for it) after the cover came out to expose the truth about breastfeeding past infancy and attachment parenting. You deserve the credit for being the true trailblazers on these issues.
To the professionals:
Dr. Bill Sears, Dr. Jay Gordon, Dr. Katherine Dettwyler, Bettina from Best for Babes, and Kelly and Carol from Kellymom.com. I am so grateful for each one of you and the work you are doing to help normalize breastfeeding in our country.
To Dionna, Jessica, and Melinda:
I am so happy to have shared this experience with such admirable women. I know some of it wasn’t pleasant, but there was such strength coming from your counter to TIME’s choice of article and cover. You ladies are the epitome of strength and intelligence. I am honored to know you and call each of you a friend.
I started reading the Q&A. Definitely doing more for the issue of AP than TIME did. Glad you’re not shying away from the topic. I haven’t read all of it (yet) but have it bookmarked to continue while having lunch later. xo
Thanks Spank! And you better be coming out here for the BD PT II!!! The entire theater would be incredibly sad if you weren’t there.
While I disagree with Time’s handling of the article, I admire you and the other moms for your courage to bare it all!
Thanks CJ! It is great to know there are people who understood the intentions of the families involved in the shoot! We took a risk and it may not have paid off for us personally, but I know all the women were willing to be villified if it meant making life a little easier long-term for other mothers. We are in this together and I know it is only a matter of time before the stigma is removed.
What an inspiration you are to moms everywhere! I think the TIME article will be one that your boys will be proud of when they are older, as well as your response to all the attention brought by it. Your grace under fire is beyond admirable!
Mother of 3 happy well adjusted breast-fed children
Thanks Sharon! I hope my boys will be proud when they are older. My mom definitely made me proud when she stood up and spoke her piece on this issue. I am so happy to have met so many of my heroes in this community that really rose to the occasion when TIME released a piece that misrepresenting the truth of how we parent! So thank you for being the true educator and catalyst for chance in all of this.
Your response and that of the other ladies was wonderful. I wish TIME had published it correctly in the first place.
I learned a tough lesson years ago about the media. I was at a rally regarding breed bans and was speaking about child safety with dogs. How studies had shown increased safety where dogs had attended at least one training course and even more when children had attended a dog safety lesson. We teach stranger danger and fire safety, schools should teach dog safety too. What did the media say in response? “oh that’s right, blame the kids”
I was terribly disappointed. Some time had to pass before I could accept that while my intention was child safety, theirs was sales. Either way, it did start people talking. Hold on to that and celebrate your victories.
Exactly Tricia! The media will sensationalize every story. That is how they make money, and is to be expected. I definitely learned it the hard way, but at the same time we are so happy to have done it. With the surge of education from AP and Breastfeeding groups it really will end up being beneficial long-term. Not TIME or the cover- no benefit there, but the exposure it generated and the people that took it upon themselves to speak truth- That awe-inspiring. I am so glad to have met so many of my personal heroes throughout this- most just moms being fearless about this choice and doing it in a non-judgmental and loving way.
I still applaud you for bringing AP into light, and for helping to make BFing a more acceptable issue in this country. Thank you for that. As a mom BFing my 10 month old with no intent to stop at a year, its empowering knowing that so many other people do the same. At the same time, it makes me sad that these same people are being judged so horrifically for something nature intends. And whats worse, it seems to only be HERE that we face this criticism. Case in point – When my daughter was 3 months old, we were taking a walk through Central Park and she needed to eat. I found a bench in a little nook and discreetly nursed her. Nothing was exposed. I had a tank top on with a tshiirt on top. The tshirt was pulled up, and the tank top down. A group of women (likely childless) passed me and at first said “awe” at the baby. As soon as they realized she was nursing, they were appalled and I was told I should be giving her a bottle, and that this is public indecency. After my hurling a string of obscenities at them, they left. Shorthly after, a family started to walk by and came up my path. I braced myself, but it turned out they were French (and spoke perfect English) and asking for directions. As they were leaving, the father said “isnt that the most wonderful bonding experience? Its a shame its such a taboo topic in this country. No mother should be ashamed to feed their baby.” I damn near cried.
The French, we play them off as grouchy, but perhaps they are just sick of our ignorance and self-rightousness. What a lovely comment after such a horrible one. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. Enjoy your baby! I’d love to hear updates on your nursing experience. You should participate in Clever Cleavage ( have you seen it on my blog?)
I completely agree with what you said about how the “mommy wars” are fueled by moms feeling like we need to defend our decisions. I really try not to judge other parents for how they raise their kids, but there are times when I have felt that my choices are under attack. And they probably weren’t, but you’re right that my own desire to do the best job possible made me feel that way.
You’ve done an incredible job of maintaining grace under pressure during this whole thing. Very admirable indeed!
Thanks April! I really believe it, too. “Good parenting” looks different to every family and every child. I think if we realized how much our society is lacking in community we would understand where the true problem lies. If we were more dependant on each other through healthy relationships we would be encouraging each parent to make the best decision possible for their own family. I feel that sense of community is slowly being created. I’ve met so many people that feel the same way. Whether through this blog or other parenting groups- there is a turn against judgment happening.
We love you too! The Q&A is very enlightening, thanks for linking to it.
You have always been a model mama to me, and I am so glad so many others are now getting to see you as a model as well.
Aw thanks Whit! You are a wonderful mama, too. You show the world that attachment parenting is different for everyone and BOTH parents can be present in their child’s upbringing. You guys are a true modern healthy happy family.
I know I have already said this but I truly do admire your grace in handling this situation. You are a model to everyone who is thrust into the glaring lights of those 15 minutes of fame. I applaud you standing up for what is important to you but choosing not to engage the negativity.
Sharlene, I am so happy to have gotten to know you prior to all of this happening. Thank you so much for your sweet words. You guys have been such a support through this. What a wonderful friend you are!
Jamie, you are the best. I never saw your blog before this, but you earned a reader out of me, and I’m sure out of many others, and I am glad to get to know your beautiful self and your beautiful family. Please keep up the great work, and I also want to thank everyone for keeping the negativity away from the discussion here. It’s such a great atmosphere. Thank you.
Thanks Mandy, I am so happy to have met so many new people from this experience. I can’t wait to get to know you and your family.
Well done – xoxo
Thanks friend! I adore you.
You always handle yourself in a classy manner…one of the reasons I follow you.
Thanks Tara! You have been such a great voice on my blog. I appreciate your heartfelt comments and lovely optimism! Your words are one of the reasons I decided to retake my blog and start writing again. Thank you thank you!
I want to say “Thank You”.
You have handled this gracefully and with class. I was absolutely shocked at the response to your cover. Not sure why it shocked me but it did. For a few days after the cover came out I looked over my shoulder expecting folks to berate me for breastfeeding my toddler in public. It didn’t stop me but I did prepare myself for the verbal lashing that never came. The only comment came from a neighbor who asked if he should leave the room when I started feeding my daughter, I said no and he said “your daughter looks like that kid on the Time cover….so happy!” and then we continued our conversation.
Hopefully times are changing. I had my oldest son at 19. There was no such thing as “Attachment Parenting” back then. I felt it was best for my child to breastfeed him until he wanted to stop but I crumbled under the pressure from people who thought it was wrong. It didn’t bother me a bit but I stopped breastfeeding him at 2 years old thinking folks knew better than me. It was difficult for both of us and I felt guilty that I let people determine the parenting of my child.
Fast forward 20 years and 3 more children (2 biological, 1 adopted):
I now proudly feed my 4th child, a 2 year old daughter, any and everywhere she would like to eat. I don’t even cover, if someone complains, I ask them if they eat with a blanket over their head! I plan on feeding her as long as she needs it.
My husband and I have been attachment parenting for 20 years but we just call it parenting our children to the best of our ability. We co-sleep and carried our children on our backs so they could feel our hearts beating (my husband was raised this way in Africa). Having your children close to you is a good thing and something we should strive for not discourage.
Thank you for representing us well. And I agree with my neighbor, both your children appear happy and healthy!
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story Tamara!!! I am so happy to hear there is good coming from the sensationalism.
Exactly! We never used the term “attachment parenting” prior to this- we just did what was natural to our family. We love Dr. Sears and definitely were familiar with the term, but this kind of parenting was happening long before Dr. Sears coined it.
I’d love to hear more about your family and your husband’s life in Africa (which country?) Hope to hear more from you on here!
Thank you so much for being so graceful throiugh this! I believe if every child were raising in an AP household that they world would be a lot happier of a place. Both my boys were raised AP (still raising them!) and there isn’t a person who0 meets them that doesn’t comment on what wonderful, intelligent and thoughtful children they are. My favorite quote from Dr. Sears through this has been that you’ll never see an AP child that is a bully.
And isn’t that what it’s all about? Raising wonderful children?
Thanks for bringing attention to this and weathering the storm!
Thanks Katie! I definitely believe that families should make educated healthy decisions on parenting based on their families. Attachment parenting is definitely a valid and wonderful option for many! I think there are many ways to raise happy wonderful adults, and attachment parenting is one of them!
Dr. Sears is lovely and really cares about people. I am so grateful to spend time with him through all of this. He is slow to speak and very wise. I hope to learn a lot from him!
I think you’re right that the shot from lightbox would have garnered as strong a negative response, but I don’t think there would have been as MANY negative responses. Which is why they chose it of course. When I saw the cover I just rolled my eyes. When I saw the lightbox photo I smiled.
-Meagan Call Non-AP parent.
The lightbox shot made me smile too! Too bad they didn’t put it on the cover- but I am happy Lightbox released it! I actually really like TIME’s Lightbox. The people responsible for that area of the website I think have it together.
When I saw the TIME cover I was shocked. I came to your blog to find out more about the “crazy” mom on the cover. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that you are in no way crazy. I personally do not practice attachment parenting and only breastfed for 6 months with each of my children but I think what you are doing is great. You seem like a wonderful mother, I’m sorry that the media is portraying you as anything else.
Hey Kandi! Hah, well, I probably am crazy- just not in the way everyone thinks I am! I appreciate you kind and funny take on all of this!
6 months of breastfeeding is wonderful! Just from your comment you sound like a fun easy-going and insightful mom! Your kids are so blessed to have you.
Thank you for accepting my choice to parent even though you did it differently. Knowing that children can thrive and there are multiple healthy options is exactly what I was hoping to express by doing this. Can’t say that happened, but we’ll get there.
great way to move forward!! xooxox
Thanks Natalie! Call me!!! I want to have lunch with you soon!
so sorry! I just saw this!! definitely …
xxoo
Happy to see you stand your ground, would have loved to have seen more of Samuel
but you did a great deed for the cause of breastfeeding! Takes courage! Well done!
Wow! Hey Andrea! So great to see your comment! I know, the media has been really down-playing the fact that I am a mother of TWO children. Of course, they haven’t really portrayed anything correctly about our family, so why would they get that right?
Anyway, I am so happy to see your message! Please stay in touch!
Keep going Jamie! Nice write up.
Thanks Deborah!
Jamie, I’ve watched you on TV and through this and you have handled it so gracefully…always wanting to draw attention to the important issue of normalizing breastfeeding in this country. You are amazing and I’m sorry that TIME spinned it in the way it did but I’m glad that the ultimate purpose of spreading the message about AP will ultimately supercede all of it.
Thanks Caryn! That is my hope in all of this too!
You handled it all like a pro. So impressive.
Zoe I miss you! My email hasn’t been working. Do you have my phone number? Call me when you are free.
Did you send it to me a while back? I think you did — I’ll look for it. Hope I can find it!
I can’t find your number! But I sent you an email on Feb 1 with my cell # — if you can find that email, call me!!
Hi, Jamie! Well, I am Brazilian and I discovered your blog after this Time thing, and now you have a new reader. I really loved your blog and I admire your effort to promote AP and extended breastfeeding. So, just imagine that something good came out of it, the message reached a lot of people, that probably wouldn’t hear your message otherwise, even if Time tried to twist everything. Don’t let anything bad bother you and your beautiful family.
Hey Renata! I think I am a Brazilian at heart! I love how Brazlian women still put effort towards their husbands and are in touch with their sexual side, but also are good and nuturing mothers. America seems to be so warped in their views of sexuality that they get confused. Nothing in healthy parenting is sexual! Breastfeeding a child at any age in the normal pattern for human weaning is NEVER sexual. People see breasts and assume sex, when they are mammary glands- there is no sexual act in feeding or comforting your child! So we sexualize something so natural healthy and nurturing – caring for your child! And we also are not focused on really seeing ourselves as sexual creatures for our partners. Sex is a wonderful part of life and should be celebrated with the right person (their spouse/partner). It seems like so many people lose their sex lives after they have their children. I think it is because of western views of family and sexuality (madonna-whore complex). I think it all goes back to our puritan roots. The definition of modesty and what it has evolved into- not actually true modesty, but prudeness. I was reading a study the other day…I need to find it. Kids that grow up exposed to non-sexual nudity in the house are more self-confident about their own bodies and because of that have their own sexual experience later in life than the national average (US average is 15 years and kids exposed to non sexual nudity 17.5 years!) I need to link to the study. I’ll find it later. Basically it goes back to if you grow up understand the multiple nonsexual functions of the body and give your kids the idea that there is much more to the body than just sex, it will make them more confident in themselves and not push them to having early sexual experiences they are not ready for. That is how I was raised and I definitely can attest to it. However, seeing the scholarly study proves it wasn’t just me that felt that way. Ah, sorry wrote a run-on sentence of a novel! Thank you again for such a kind comment.
I am typing this on my phone as my almost three year old daughter drifts off to sleep nursing. I was so excited to see you were going to do a Q&A with KellyMom. I really appreciated all of the responses. Each of you has handled this with so much grace.
Thank you Tiffany! And I love hearing what is happening in the background on your end! Enjoy your sweet daughter. When they fall asleep nursing it is still one of the most comforting things for both of us. I love snuggling him before I put him to bed. Same with my oldest son. Now that my oldest has weaned we still snuggle. Weaning is such a lovely process, and I enjoy having them both at different stages.
To counteract some of the negativity you’ve dealt with in relation to the Time piece:
You introduced me to attachment parenting, and I’m so grateful! I’d never heard of it before all of the controversy surrounding Time’s recent headline; I read bits of your blog, went out and bought Mayim Bialik’s “Beyond the Sling,”…and I am in love! Attachment parenting is all of the things I’ve WANTED to do to raise my 13 month-old, but didn’t do because–literally–everyone was telling me those things are wrong. (Co-sleeping is bad., spanking is good & necessary, etc.) I feel confident and empowered as a mother. Thank you, thank you!
Since the Time article came out I’ve read most of your blog and the “mommy hates chemicals” one too. Both are great and show what a wonderful person and mom you are.
I have three children, two of which I breast feed for a little over a year. I weaned them on the advice of others, never really knowing that to keep going was an option. Now because of you I know. My third is still breast feeding and will be self weaned thanks to you and all the exposure and education you have given to extended breast feeding. I wish I had the knowledge and the guts I have now my first two babies.
Thanks so much!
Jamie Lynn, thank you for standing up for breastfeeding past infancy, attachment parenting and motherly intuition! I think your picture on Time magazine is beautiful.
You are such a courageous mama. Thanks for encouraging all the rest of us to go with our instinct and do what feels right with our own children. I think that’s one of the biggest lessons to be learned here… http://gagadiaries.com/post/23697344387/are-you-tolerant-enough.
Hi Jamie! I am 17 years old and I stumbled across your website out of curiosity. I saw the TIMES article and I was confused. I didn’t understand why such a demeaning title would be directed towards moms. I personally love learning about pregnancy and childbirth, I am planning on becoming an OB-GYN. So when I saw the picture I figured there was more to the story and I set out to investigate! I came across your website and I was instantly hooked. I read about you and your opinions and your family… I am so impressed. Thank you.
Thank you for being such a courageous and unabashed example to all women out there. You are an incredible woman and mother and I look up to you and admire you. Don’t listen to all those negative people, you’re awesome.