A Letter To My Pre-Child Self

A Letter To My Pre-Child Self

 

Dear Pre-child Jamie,

 

First off, no, your kids won’t be different. That is why that white linen couch purchase (as much as you tried to justify it) was a stupid idea. Within a year of being a mother that couch will be ruined by a huge stain made by an unidentified liquid. What is your current couch made out of? Microfiber- get familiar.

 

Scared of labor? Wasting your time worrying about that one…

 

…But you know what kind of pain you will experience worse than 1000 daggers to the eye? Stepping on a lego without shoes on.

 

 Those toy sets with small parts? At all those birthday parties you gave these sets as presents, the parents secretly hated you. Now you know.

 

Be aware that the mothers you see at the grocery store with unkept hair and stained sweats will soon be you, so judge accordingly. Only you will also have wet spots on your shirt from baby urine and breastmilk.

 

Poop, for a good two years, will be a normal part of a conversation. Please be aware that as normal as this topic is for you, people eating may not feel the same way.

 

You somehow manage to get out of potty training. Those tutorials were a waste of money. 

 

Maybe it would have been a good idea to have spent your money on a speech therapist. Your kids both have Ethiopian accents (sorry, you don’t have one)…

 

 

 

 

Still stressing that your left boob is smaller than the right? Stop pitying it. These days it is the most popular of the two. Perhaps it is a Napoleon complex, but that little left boob is now a fierce advocate for breastfeeding.

Yep, someone even made it a twitter account. The tagline was “I breastfeed, so what?” My thoughts exactly.

 

With all that being said, I don’t envy your life before kids at all. You are about to meet two of your best friends.

 

Hold on tight honey, it’s going to be a wild ride!

 

                                                                                                                                                Love,

                                                                                                                                    Jamie with kids


Tags assigned to this article:
kidsletter to selfparenting

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12 comments

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  1. Mila Misura 26 November, 2012, 09:49

    LOVE IT!!!

    I was curious (and you answered my question) about Samuel’s (and I guess Aram’s?) accent. So, he does have one even though he was still young when he started learning? We’re moving to the U.S. soon, and I’m worried about how my non-English speaking kids will learn English….

    Reply this comment
  2. Laura/Spank 26 November, 2012, 09:51

    This made me CRY at my desk… such a great post!

    Reply this comment
  3. Mila 26 November, 2012, 09:52

    LOVE IT!!!!

    I was curious (and you answered my question) about Samuel’s (and I guess Aram’s?) accent. So, he does have one even though he was still young when he started learning? We’re moving to the U.S. soon, and I’m worried about how my non-English speaking kids will learn English….

    Reply this comment
  4. Erin S 26 November, 2012, 14:41

    Bahaha! I love it! Children make life so much more interesting.

    Reply this comment
  5. Sarah 26 November, 2012, 15:05

    That is a very sweet and lovely note to self. I love the ‘meeting two best friends’ line the most. I may be a mum but I love to hang out with my little buddies ( excluding taking them with me shopping of course).

    Reply this comment
  6. Lara (australia) 26 November, 2012, 19:21

    umm are tears okay, because i just wept a little :)

    Reply this comment
  7. Jeff in Texas 28 November, 2012, 10:04

    Great post!! Something a lot of us should do…even us dads :)

    Reply this comment
  8. Mandy 16 January, 2013, 09:49

    I love the comment about getting out of potty training. I have a two year old and keep thinking should I be DOING something other than talking about the potty, having an open-door policy on potty going, and offering him the option, to which I get an emphatic “No.” I’ve talked to a number of wise mothers/teachers who say children WILL do it in their own time, but it feels like I’m going against the grain by not trying to make something happen. I guess that’s my path, seeing as I’m happily nursing on demand still and plan to do so until he’s done. Love your work!

    Reply this comment
  9. Tiffany 16 January, 2013, 11:18

    :*) As a mom of 11 going on 12 years, I have thought these thoughts several times! My former self is a facade of a real woman to come and the best part, the three amazing creatures I get to share life with. I often get caught up in what I’m wrong as a mother when the most right thing I can do is appreciate my children’s presence, messy rooms…dirty laundry, dishes, faces and all. Great, timeless post!

    Reply this comment
  10. Jeanne ohm 16 January, 2013, 11:38

    Jamie,
    That was a great post. And for all of us moms who have stepped on the Legos there will be days that you will miss it!

    Reply this comment
  11. Jeanne ohm 16 January, 2013, 11:39

    Jamie,
    That was a great post. And for all of us moms who have stepped on the Legos there will be days that you will miss it! And the birthing and poop and the small left boobs!

    Reply this comment
  12. Raven 28 March, 2013, 09:19

    Loooove this. ESP the Lego comment. And the couch comment. We have two cream circle couches that are now basically the dog beds. I can’t wait to meet them!!

    Reply this comment

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