“I think your kid is gay.” Those are the words coming from “friends” that have noticed Samuel’s attraction to sparkly and beautiful things.
They were meant as a joke, but there is some truth in that.
And it got me wondering- is it possible to know at this age?
I am going to say yes and no.
can you know a child’s sexuality?
I have two problems with people saying these types of things:
1. By questioning a child’s sexual orientation we are essentially sexualizing them. Disturbing, right?
2. Gender specific colors and toys have been assigned by society, and each society is different in what they approve as masculine and feminine.
We feel there is absolutely no reason to explain to him that there are toys made specifically for boys and different toys for girls. In my opinion, it is constricting their creativity by limiting their choices.
Perhaps, Samuel, one day, will say he always knew one way or another, but he is a child right now. I believe pushing him in any direction is wrong.
Sin and knowing Jesus
As a mother, my only desire for my two boys is that they will grow up to know Jesus. (And no, Christianity is not limited to heterosexual followers only- you realize how separatist and silly that sounds, right?)
The fact is, we all sin and can still know Jesus. That said, though…I’m not here to debate with any of you whether or not homosexuality is a sin. Sin is between each specific person and God. I would hope the creator of the world knows best. So, let’s leave that to Him and stop taking ancient biblical text translated into English out of context, all to judge and condemn something completely misunderstood (something Jesus never even MENTIONED)…either that or else we should all stop braiding our hair and eating shellfish…
Sorry, I’m done. I just thought you may want to stop addressing this issue and maybe get yourself to the hospital to tend to that huge plank in your eye, that’s all.
AMEN!
Just came across your website through a friend’s link on Facebook. I saw the link on Christianity and curiously clicked it, expecting to see diatribe and dogma.
I was pleasantly surprised to find very balanced and rational articles and discussions and this particular one definitely made me happy. Yes, you can love Jesus and be homosexual. Thank you for saying it.
(as a side-note, I believe that we are sexually “neutral” until that part of us is awake and active – hormones, brain chemistry, aesthetics, and attraction then lean us one way or the other – much like weaning, it happens when we are ready for it)
Hey Mark. Thanks. I forgot I even wrote this. I added to it. I probably need to go back and check for typos.
I agree…why are we trying to sexualize CHILDREN?! We talk about issues like breastfeeding for a normal length of time for our species being perverted, yet sexualizing children is somehow totally normal in our culture. I shake my head at all of it.
True, we don’t need to be discussing a child’s sexuality at all. Kinda creepy, really.
YES YES YES!
If your kids grows up to be straight, cool. If your kid grows up to be gay, cool. To be talking about sexuality in childhood- weird. I mean, isn’t that what pedophiles do? Sexualize children? Actually, that response would probably shut someone right up pulling out that kind of blather.
Do you follow Pigtail Pals and Ballcap Buddies on Facebook? Their mission is more oriented to de-sexualizing girlhood, but they do a fair bit of the “colors are for everyone” stuff too. I don’t think that sexuality is usually defined so early. I’ve known two gay men that knew from like age 10 or 11 onward, but at 5 or 6? Not likely. Samuel will be who he is, and the important thing is that you raise him to be a loving man for his future family, no matter what form that family takes. You seem to be doing a wonderful job of it!
Let me just invoke some Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure here and say this is “Excellent.”
I agree with everything you wrote, except where you compared keeping kosher with believing that homosexuality is a sin. I was totally on board with the whole post, but then I ran into that sentence. As a Jewish mom, I don’t feed my kids shellfish (and avoiding shellfish and pork is as kosher as we get). But the thought that it goes hand in hand with considering homosexuality a sin is not only inaccurate but also offensive. Love your blog, and agree with the sentiment, just wish you’d left kosher eating out of it.
Sorry Melissa, I didn’t even think about people keeping kosher being offended. I was trying to upset a whole different group of people ;-p…I see red when writing about this in particular and don’t stop to think of all the people who may be reading this.
I had a similar thought but I think Jamie was speaking of Christians and not those who may be of the Jewish faith.
Exactly…
I’m curious as to why we shouldn’t eat shellfish? I heard that pigs are dirty and eat their own poop so they’re considered unclean, but I am not a marine biologist so I don’t understand the shellfish thing. (Though improperly cleaned shrimp is really disgusting.)
But yeah when it comes to Christianity it gets sticky because Jesus changed a lot things. It’s hard for me to see Christians using the Old Testament against others — I’m not sure what that’s about (I am not a theologian, either!)
I think shellfish potentially could be infected by the red tide bloom. Also, they are bottom feeders and can be completely unsafe to consume if not cleaned properly.
I think that the pork thing was a result of the fact that it’s so easy to become sick from eating it. You have to be sure to drain every bit of blood from it and back then they also didn’t have refrigeration. Alot of people may have became sick or died from eating tainted pork.
Fun pig facts:
Pigs actually do not eat their own poop. They are not unclean in the wild but factory farming IS unclean. Pigs have no sweat glands.
I have been a lurker around your blog.
My first kid was my daughter. She was 16months when her little brother was born. Our playroom is a giant mesh up of Barbies, trucks, a giant dress up box, and legos (and other various toys). My children have no idea what gender stereotypes are (my son LOVES playing dress-up, my daughter loves to play with action figures and dinosaurs). I get told so many times it’s “normal” for my daughter to be creative but that my son is “gay and not normal” for playing with girl toys (although currently he is sleeping with his dinosaur toys lined up across the foot of his bed). Family and friends have told me I am forcing him to be gay. Or that he already is gay. Or that I need to watch him around other boys (no joke). This is my other problem, why is is so ok for girls to play with boy toys but not for boys to play with girl toys?
My son is the happiest, silliest little boy I know. I don’t think it’s fair to judge him over his choices at 20months old. Let kids be kids, putting them in a box at such a young age is not good for their imagination and psyche.
Oh gosh, lurker…that sounds so creepy…;-) Welcome out of the shadows
I agree, there is definitely a double-standard when it comes to children gender. I’d probably notice it more if I had a daughter, but I’m only seeing one side of it. It’s something I hope changes for the next generation.
I seriously can’t believe at 20 months old people feel the need to sexualize a child. First off, that is so weird and irrational I cannot comprehend people even saying that garbage…Secondly, who the heck cares if he is gay? It’s just weird someone would correlate a 20 month old playing with a Barbie with sexual orientation. Our society has some major issues with sex and it is unfortunately spewing out onto our children. Good for you for not listening.
Even here in Western Europe you seem to get those kinds of reactions more and more often these days. It seems to come over from the US and I think it’s a very bad influence. One of the main toystores over here had brochures for St. Nicholas a couple of years ago with a separate section for ‘girls toys’: dolls and all of the assorted accessories, cleaning tools such as mops, brooms, vacuum cleaners and even cooking utensils and play kitchens were considered to be ‘for girls only’. When I saw this, I sat down and wrote them a furious email. I think I was probably not the only one, since after that they have never again categorized their toys that way
.
I totally agree with you. My son sometimes tells me he wants long hair like me or wants a flowered shirt like mine. He likes shiny things and “girl” colors. But, he also likes dinosaurs, trucks, and “boy” colors. I don’t care what he plays with and if I didn’t think my husband would freak out I would buy him “girl themed” toys, too.
my son likes purple. and angelina ballerina. he likes to dress up in my childhood ballerina halloween costume. but because of that i don’t even think the word gay. i think children are children and see the world with unfiltered eyes. they don’t know about labels, they are completely open and shine so bright. as much as my son loves purple. he has recently started telling me that only boys are allowed to do certain things and girls others. he doesn’t go to school. he is 3. he is with me at home all day. what he watches on tv is very limited. so i don’t know where he gets it. personally it’s in the genes i think. he also wants to be spider man for halloween. i didn’t even know he knew who spider man was. i don’t see why people get so uncomfortable when a child steers from the “norm.” back when roosevelt was a child boys wore dresses and long hair didn’t get cut until they were 7. pink use to define boys and blue use to define girls. it’s just a color. it’s just a sparkle. my son can like what he wants, he can sparkle all he wants. i won’t change that because if i do he won’t sparkle and his sparkle is all that matters to me.
Let him sparkle is right. That is so unfair- how did girls get to claim sparkles? Everyone likes sparkles…it’s like ice cream. Could you imagine ice cream being just a boy or girl thing? No siree, icecream and sparkles are for everyone to enjoy!
We know a little boy from our daughter’s preschool who used to be very into sparkly glittery things and rainbows, and wanted his nails painted purple. He has very cool parents who just let him do his thing. We ran into them recently and he is now over that phase (at age 7), and very into sports gear! So you never know, this might be a phase.
And as to being gay, I have a friend on Facebook who I used to babysit for when he was about 4-6. He used to ask me to marry him and beg me to kiss him! As a little kid! And he always had a preschool “girlfriend” he would play “wedding” with, and dress up as the groom. Well, after losing touch with him for 20 years, I was shocked to see on his Facebook profile that he was “interested in men”. He is the last person I would have ever thought was gay.
My point is, you can’t tell at this age (as you well know) and even if you could, who cares?
Preach it!
Oh my word people, being gay is not right in the eyes of God. He did not create our bodies to be used in homosexual ways. Love the sinner, not sin.
Lizel, I have to wonder why you would think that it is okay for you to be the voice of God? I am pretty sure that in the end He will be the judge and not you. I happen to believe that The Lord would not want us to judge other people. Hmm…
Lizel:
How do you know? Did he tell you that? What do you know about his intention? Cite actual verses, and don’t just chop them up for your own purposes.
I’m not even going to touch on the whole ‘God hates gays’ thing because it’s totally ridiculous. My oldest child is a boy and he carried a baby doll around with him for almost 2 years from 2-4, he loved cars and dolls and playing mommy and dinosaurs. He’s now almost 13 and is into martial arts, computers and video games. He is also an incredibly wonderful older brother to his two sisters. I think it’s all about letting kids bloom into who they are meant to bloom into, regardless of what that has to do with sexual orientation – which is not only totally wrong to even consider at this age, but totally none of our business ever. If my son (or either of my daughters – or all three of them) come out as gay when they are older cool. If not, cool. I honestly have never understood why anyone could possibly care about that. I grew up with straight parents that had a big mix of gay and straight friends and it was just never an issue – until I hit my teen years and realized people are so upset about it! Samuel is a sweet, loving boy. End of story.
Did God tell you that personally? Doubt it. Get off your high horse already.
Oh Lizel my dear, I hope you do not live in a glass house. Those stones you just threw are mighty big sister, I wouldn’t wish for them to be thrown back at ya. The point is all people interpret the Bible very differently, many Gay people claim they have known all of their life. God gives everyone struggles in life & challenges. You really shouldn’t make such a bold statement just because some may sin differently than you. I’m sure you have your skeletons too. Also, I believe God doesn’t make mistakes, so if someone had known they were Gay all their life, but chose to live righteously other wise…… Yeah my point exactly! All of us sin! Doesn’t mean yours is less than mine or visa versa!
I have a three year old boy who also loves “girly” things. Who can blame him though? Sparkly attire is more interesting and pleasing to the eye than most of the drab clothing that they have out there for little boys. He sees the girls getting fancy things and he doesn’t want to be left out. Why should he be?
Thanks guys, I love you too
And I love homosexuals, thieves, murderers, adulterers, drunkards, liars and everyone who sin. I am a sinner too. From what I understand, the Bible teaches that homosexuality is not OK. All I am saying is that sin is sin but God can forgive ANY and ALL sin if we repent and turn away from it.
PS I don’t care what toys kiddies play with and I don’t think that will influence their sexuality.
I have 2 beautiful boys. Both are their own little people. One of them has always loved pink, dancing and nail polish (and also wrestling, video games, soccer and rugby, althletics etc etc). The other loves cars, Lego and taking his baby doll Frazer out everywhere. Are they gay? Maybe? But most likely no. Does it matter? Not a bit. They are happy, healthy, sweet boys. Sadly my eldest who is into nail polish and breakdancing was recently laughed at and mocked at his break dance class. Being mainly boys in the class, the older ones found it hilarious. I was saddened when he asked to give the dance class up. And now no longer asks for his “lazer beam” fingers. Recently my mum brought him a pink scooter whilst we were visiting her. He happily rode it around her town. Only to have 3 children, all girls, on separate occasions make comment that a boy should not ride a girl scooter. At this point I got furious! What the hell is wrong with parents?? This rubbish that pink is only for girls, dancing is gay and playing dolls is un-boyish just makes me feel so sad. Why are we allowing such rediculous gender stereo types into society? Have we not come forward at all? It breaks my heart my child is being inadvertently bullied because parents have weird ideas about crazy issues!!
I LOVE most of this. I pick at one thing, and it’s for a personal reason, but also logistical… so, I hope you don’t shun me commenting so late in the game on a mostly perfect article.
I agree that boys playing with dolls doesn’t make them gay. Girls playing with toy trucks doesn’t make them gay. Colors are just that – colors. I had my second daughter in a green onesie when she was just a few weeks old, and several people told me what a beautiful boy we had. My oldest daughter was furious that they thought she was a boy, I just laughed at how ridiculous the issue has become.
Okay, here’s the thing I pick apart because of my personal life experience. It’s not “homosexuality is not ever called sin in the Bible.” I honestly can’t argue about that, because I haven’t studied it yet.
It’s saying that Jesus never mentioned it, so it must not have mattered. For me, that statement is not only illogical, but somewhat isolating and painful in ways I hope no one that reads this ever has to understand.
I am a secondary survivor (it’s why my blog started). My oldest daughter was molested by someone very close to us.
The reason that the statement “Jesus never mentioned it, so…” when it comes to sexual sin is because… even while homosexuality is mentioned in Hebrew Scriptures and New Testament, whether the English translation messes stuff up about it or not, child molestation is *never* mentioned directly, in any way, in any part of the Scripture. At all. I desperately search for it in the months following my learning of what happened, as I cried out in the dawn and sought God’s Truth on what had happened. Because of this lacking of direct mention anywhere in Scripture, Jesus certainly didn’t mention sexual assault on children. Sure He said not to harm them, but it was never specifically about sexual sin against children.
Then when I hear or see the comment that because Jesus didn’t mention homosexuality, it must not be that big of a deal to Him, so it should be acceptable, my heart breaks a little thinking how there is nothing, in all of Scripture, not even to twist around and make it about it, not from Christ’s mouth, about sexually assaulting a child.
I am not sure right now where I stand on the issue of homosexuality being sin in Scripture. I do know homosexuality is mentioned, but if I were to back to the root words and meanings, what context is it actually in? Just as I couldn’t be convicted about women working from home until I delved into the root words and meanings of Titus 2, just as I couldn’t be convicted about not spanking until I dug in and studied (gosh, the Church has the spanking issue so messed up on the whole), I can’t be convicted about this until I dig in and study. I am going to.
I just wanted to take a note that simply because Jesus never mentioned something, it doesn’t mean it’s not sin. I am pretty sure that even though Jesus never specifically said, “Don’t rape or molest children,” that He still finds it a grievous sin.
And, to make sure we’re all clear – I love your blog, and your FB page. I love this article. Thank you for it.
I hope that my comment didn’t come off rude – I don’t intend it to. I hope my comment can help in some way to understand how isolating that comment can be to parents/grown children of molestation.
God’s blessings,
Jess