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Home > Follow up Story to Breastfeeding with Leukemia: the Non-Regrets of a Bereaved Mother

Follow up Story to Breastfeeding with Leukemia: the Non-Regrets of a Bereaved Mother

Written by:  Jamie Lynne

Images and text by Maggie Jones.

Last October I wrote a piece about breastfeeding my daughter Olive while she battled AML leukemia (you can read my first article, here). She was 11 months old at diagnosis and 18 months old when she passed away on March 6, 2014. Losing a child is every mother’s worst nightmare, and for a good reason. It is every bit as terrible as one can imagine.

Many bereaved parents have regrets, and although I make a concentrated effort not to think in terms of regret, if I go in that direction I can surely find plenty to beat myself up about. But what I really want to share with you all are the things that I do not regret. I do not regret nursing Olive on demand. I do not regret co-sleeping. I do not regret choosing to stay home with her instead of rushing to complete my graduate degree, and I do not regret investing in a carrier and wearing her.

When I wrote the first article my goal was to share my experience nursing Olive through the horror of her cancer treatment. I wanted to let others know how much breastfeeding had helped to keep her body strong and how our nursing relationship had sustained and supported the both of us through an incredibly traumatic time in our lives.

As I said, Olive was diagnosed when she was only 11 months old, which is very young for a leukemia diagnosis, but many women are encouraged to wean their children much earlier. In fact, it was clear to me that the healthcare professionals at our children’s hospital had very little (correct) knowledge about the physical and biological dynamics of the breastfeeding relationship. And beyond a few nurses that had breastfed their own children, no one seemed willing to acknowledge the very real, very important psychological benefits of nursing for both mother and child.

Early on in Olive’s treatment, I was given advice from the hospital nutritionist and several pediatric oncologists to “nudge” her in the direction of weaning by offering her things like juice instead of offering to nurse her. This is not sound advice. It is not sound advice for healthy children, and it is downright dangerous advice for a child with cancer.

This is not a unique situation to this particular hospital. I wish it were. Unfortunately, I see mothers (of children with cancer and without) from first world countries all over the globe writing about poor nutritional advice from their pediatricians daily.

Had I not been entirely certain about the health benefits of child-led weaning, I could have easily been convinced that my decision to continue to nurse Olive on demand (even at the age of 11 months and beyond) was the wrong one. And I can assure you, beyond a shadow of any doubt, it was not.

My next non-regret is co-sleeping. I am so glad Olive shared our bed every night of her life. We decided to spend money on a king-sized mattress for us all to share in place of the conventional crib, and I am so thankful that we did. When I think back on my short time with Olive, the times I cherish the very most are all of our nights snuggling in bed together. I nursed her on demand throughout the night as well as the day, so I have nothing but fond memories of comforting her back to sleep when she awoke at night, which she did often.

Non-regret # 3: staying home. Money was beyond tight for our family when Olive was born. I was in the middle of my graduate degree–up to my ears in student loan debt (I still am), and Tom was trying to start a business. Although we needed extra money, badly, we chose to go without so that I could stay home with Olive. And stay home I did. Everyday. She never had a babysitter. I know this isn’t right for everyone, but it was right for us, and I do not regret one second of it.

And my last non-regret: stumbling across the wonderful world of babywearing early in my pregnancy. Olive loved her baby carrier. She loved being close to me, and this became even more important after her diagnosis. Wearing her became central to her sense of safety and comfort in an otherwise frightening environment.

I read a handful of different parenting pages online and one of the bloggers I follow lost her 14-month-old son to SUDC when Olive was around six months old. I was utterly devastated for her, and I cried frequently when trying to imagine her experience. Little did I know that I too would be grieving the loss of my own child one year later.

But I learned something from this mother. She told everyone that she had no regrets because she had spent so much of her son’s short life holding him. Holding him through co-sleeping, holding him through breastfeeding, holding him through babywearing. It gave her immense comfort to know that she had been close to him as much as possible during the short time that they had together.

Hearing this mother’s words had a profound impact on me, and that is the reason why I share these things with you today. Everyone has a different parenting style. Some of the things that I listed above that worked so well for us will not be right for other families.

My message to you is this: pay close attention to your heart and if your heart is pulling you to be closer to your baby, more than conventional parenting norms allow, then throw all of the advice you have received from your doctor, online, books, your mother-in-law, your friends–wherever–out the window, and DO IT.

Many bereaved parents have regrets, but I can guarantee that you will never meet one that regrets the time they spent holding their little one. The time they spent with their child is more precious than gold. My time spent with Olive is more precious than gold.

My comfort now is in knowing that she never spent a night scared and alone in the dark crying for me and wondering where I was in the name of creating “healthy sleep patterns.” Not once. When she wanted to be close to me and nurse, she did.

As I wrap this up I feel the need to briefly address that some of you, according to our cultural standards, may think that I “spoiled” Olive by responding unconditionally to her needs. But there is a huge misunderstanding that children can be spoiled with love. They cannot.

Olive was a baby and therefore she had the biological expectation that I protect her and be there for her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Babies do not start to differentiate from their caregivers until toddlerhood, and even then it is a highly variable and gradual process. You cannot spoil a baby with love and responsive care giving–they biologically need this for normal development. You can, however, create a needy, frightened child who may have difficulty completing future developmental tasks with unresponsive care giving.

I am SO THANKFUL that I happened to know this information going into my experience as a parent. And I hope that I make a difference in someone’s life by choosing to pass it on to you.

 

I will leave you with a few photos of my sweet girl. Mommy loves you Olive Leigh.



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Apr 26, 2014Jamie Lynne
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Comments: 152
  1. Joey
    April 26, 2014 at 10:58 am

    This post, and especially the pictures, brought tears to my eyes. I’m sorry for your loss and so glad that you were able to be with Olive and feel good about your parenting of her.

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  2. Jae
    April 26, 2014 at 11:03 am

    My heart goes out to you. My son passed away from cancer almost a year ago. He stopped nursing at and co-sleeping at 3 years old, but we started co-sleeping again after he was diagnosed at 3 1/2. When we found out there were no more treatment options and the cancer was taking over, I started nursing him again, not often but whenever he wanted to. It was a great comfort to both of us at the end I think. He passed away just before he would have been 5. I do not regret co-sleeping or nursing. I do not regret one moment I spent holding my little boy.

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  3. Sabulous
    April 26, 2014 at 11:06 am

    I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your beautiful daughter. Thank you for sharing this article with us. You highlight what really is important when raising a child. I’m glad that you got to spend the short time you had together holding her and making her feel loved!

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  4. Melanie Young
    April 26, 2014 at 11:07 am

    This was great. Our youngest had a life-threatening heart condition as an infant and I will never stop being thankful for the PICU nurses that scrounged me a hospital bed for her room so I could sleep with her. Babies need their moms. Thank you for helping other moms in the midst of your grief.

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  5. bethy
    April 26, 2014 at 11:08 am

    God bless you for that story. Your little angel is gorgeous and I’m glad you spent time with her. I lost a nephew at 11 months and know like you that time is short and life is precious. I hold my baby close and treasure each day. I thank god for a happy, healthy child and take nothing for granted. X

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  6. Kris
    April 26, 2014 at 11:11 am

    Thank you for sharing your sweet girl with us and for sharing your parenting wisdom. I am so very sorry that Olive lost her battle with leukemia, and for the way your heart must ache now. I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers!

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  7. Karen
    April 26, 2014 at 11:12 am

    I’m sitting here holding my sleeping 9mo who just got done nursing….tears streaming down my face, knowing this could just as easily be my story. What a loving tribute. You are a strong,loving mama. Thank you for sharing your story. May God grant healing and peace to your heart.

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  8. Christy
    April 26, 2014 at 11:15 am

    Thank you for sharing your story. Your beautiful baby was blessed to have such a loving, selfless mother. I will keep you in my prayers.

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    • Binky
      April 26, 2014 at 6:27 pm

      What a wonderful story to share. You will be with your little one again. Read the book “There Really Is A Heaven” It may give you and your husband a sense of peace. God Bless you – you know where your baby is!

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  9. Sabulous
    April 26, 2014 at 11:15 am

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious daughter! Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful article with us. You highlight how and what is important for us as mothers and our babies. I’m glad that you got to spend so much of your short time together holding your baby and I hope it brings you peace that she would have known how much she was and is loved. Sounds like you did an amazing job! Such a shame that health care professionals would encourage anyone to wean, especially a sick child! How could juice be more beneficial than the milk your body designed especially for her? I’m so glad you stuck to your guns. My thoughts are with you and your family. X

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  10. Poppy
    April 26, 2014 at 11:23 am

    Beautiful and heartbreaking story. Mumma I share your parenting philosophy and my heart breaks for your loss but is so full of love and admiration for the way you cherished every moment with Olive and met her needs in every way. She is a lucky, lucky bubba to have you as her Mumma for her short time on earth.

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  11. Kristy
    April 26, 2014 at 11:25 am

    God bless your beautiful heart. Thank you for sharing this with us!!

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  12. Ashley
    April 26, 2014 at 11:33 am

    Absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. I constantly feel judged and looked down on for attachment parenting. I love my child so much and everything I do is for her, yet people feel the need to criticize. Claiming you are spoiling your children or setting them up for codependence for life.
    Thank you so much for encouraging those of us that often feel discouraged. I can’t imagine the things you’ve been through, And I’m so so sorry for your loss. You are a warrior mama.

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  13. Jody
    April 26, 2014 at 11:37 am

    Thank you for sharing your story. Touched beyond words and sharing widely.
    Much love to you and Olive.

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  14. Sasha
    April 26, 2014 at 11:44 am

    Firstly I would like to say I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, I have children and it’s every parents nightmare. Secondly, child with illness or no illness, I agree with everything you said. With my first, many people commented that I was making a ‘rod for my own back’, it’s a load if rubbish. My children are very confident, indecent and caring. A baby likes to be close to it’s mother for comfort and soothing, where’s the harm in meeting your baby’s needs? As for breast feeding, don’t get me started, it’s what they’re there for! I’m sure everything you did for Olive made her short life the best it could possibly have been. You did her and yourself very proud. X

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  15. Lucy
    April 26, 2014 at 11:45 am

    this is the second time I try to post this comment, but I just wanted to share this post really touched me. Thank you. hugging my kids a little closer tonight.

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  16. If By Yes
    April 26, 2014 at 11:52 am

    Good for you. My heart aches for you and your loss.

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  17. Amy
    April 26, 2014 at 11:54 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your daughter is absolutely beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

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  18. Wendy Howard
    April 26, 2014 at 11:58 am

    You are an amazing mother and always will be, your daughter had your love mentally and physically, you helped her survive so much longer. Much love to you and your partner, and little Olive who is a beautiful angel xx

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  19. Heather
    April 26, 2014 at 11:58 am

    I read this and cried. SO beautifully put. Thank you for the reminder to not have regrets when it comes to loving our children. Sometimes it’s so easy for me to get discouraged when I hear other mom’s say “my baby sleeps 12 hours at night” when mine is up 4+ times to nurse. But you are 100% right, I don’t regret getting up and feeding and comforting my son. These days are fleeting. SO SO SO sorry for your loss. Your daughter is beautiful, and I know you did all of the right things in caring for her. Prayers for your family.

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  20. Claire
    April 26, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    What a beautiful girl and a wonderful life she had, as short as it was. She must’ve felt so loved her whole life. God bless your family x

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  21. Aidge
    April 26, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    My heart aches for you. I didn’t want to read this article when I saw it shared on my Facebook feed, but I felt like I had to in honor of any mother who loses her child. I wanted to read it and feel for you, and I want you to know I am grateful to you for sharing your experience. I can’t think of any greater strength needed than that of a mother with a sick child, and you persevered with nursing and co-sleeping when you were being told to wean. The advice to wean is probably given to mothers with the good intention of allowing “breaks” to relax, but you were right in trusting your instincts and knowing that your nursing relationship was the most comforting thing for you and your sweet little girl. We are all only given a finite time on this planet, and it is wonderful that you filled your daughter’s time with love and comfort to the best of your ability. Not every child gets that, so your Olive was so fortunate to be your daughter. I can only imagine how she has touched your soul and changed your life forever. I do know that the love that grew between you is not gone – and the world is a better place because of the love your little girl brought into your life.

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  22. Heather Bowden
    April 26, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    Your story is so touching and tragic. I am so very sorry that you had to go thru this, as I am not a praying woman I will definitely have you in my thoughts.

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  23. Natv
    April 26, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    A beautiful article. What a beautiful little girl and how fortunate she was to have such an amazing mother.

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  24. sanielle
    April 26, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    Thank you for sharing the photos of your beautiful little girl. I can’t imagine what you and your family must have gone through, but thankfully you have that special time to look back on. I wish you all the best in the world. Thank you again for sharing your story x

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  25. miya
    April 26, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Thank you for sharing this.

    I hold the same beliefs in the importance of closeness, baby wearing, and breast feeding. I find it so frustrating for others to be so judgemental about such a selfless, loving approach to parenting. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty when I talk about my 12 month old not sleeping through the night and still waking to nurse. I shouldn’t feel guilty about holding my child as often as he would like.

    I feel like many of our norms completely ignore the real needs of the tiny humans we bring here. A baby changes everything and as a parent you should be prepared for that.

    I’m so sorry to hear of what you went through, I cannot begin to fathom the depths of such loss. Thank you for sharing your story and the photos of your beautiful baby.

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  26. SMV
    April 26, 2014 at 12:18 pm

    Maggie,
    My heart aches for your loss. I can not even begin to understand how difficult the journey has been for you, Olive and your family. I will pray for your continued strength throughout each passing day. I must say that as a fellow extended BF mom (15mo & 17mo) I praise you for staying strong in your convictions and trusting your instinct about loving your baby unconditionally through her illness.

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  27. Jen
    April 26, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom. My heart breaks for the loss of your beautiful little girl.

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  28. Bmomma
    April 26, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    I’m so proud of you. You did the right things by breastfeeding and being there when she needed you most. Most people don’t understand that you can’t spoil a baby! You are a wonderful mother i wish you best of luck and love in the futuer.

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  29. Vicky
    April 26, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    Thank you for. Sharing your experience you sound like a wonderful mother. I am sorry for your loss

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  30. JazzyMarmalady
    April 26, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss…words are not enough. I breast fed my son until my own breast cancer diagnosis just before his second birthday and I continue to co-sleep with him now (just before his fourth birthday). Your writing has re-affirmed what my heart tells me is right – to be close to my son when he needs me. I’m so pleased that you had all that intimate time with your daughter. Why our society so quick to push our little ones away from us is beyond me. I wish you blessings and peace xxxxx

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  31. shirley
    April 26, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    Wow! Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. You have reassured me that my decisions to let my daughter self wean, co sleep and be carried close are the right ones. You have also reminded me to cherish every second x

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  32. Salonkitty
    April 26, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    Just heartbreakingly beautiful. I will never regret cosleeping and breastfeeding- the story here makes me realise it’s a privilege to be able to do these things. What wonderful pictures of a beautiful little girl.

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  33. Hannah
    April 26, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    Though my heart hurts for your loss, this was a beautiful post with a wonderful message. I have never regretted bed sharing, breastfeeding, or baby wearing; they have all brought such a close and special bond to my son and I. Thank you for this <3

    Your family will be in my thoughts. May sweet, beautiful Olive rest in peace.

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  34. Julie
    April 26, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    I was reading this thinking, “YES. This. And that. And also that.” then got halfway through before I started tearing up… This is the most touching thing I have read in a long time. It reminds me in the most bittersweet way to know sweet Patrick’s life and love still matter and have made a difference in their short while here- as Olive and has, too. I wish I had better words. So much love to your whole family, thank you for sharing. <3

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    • Maggie Jones
      April 26, 2014 at 10:02 pm

      Love to you too, Julie. I think of Patrick often. <3

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  35. Jen
    April 26, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    Beautiful story, amazing lady and I suspect husband/partner. You did all the right things. I am scared (but not shocked sadly) of the medical advice given against breastfeeding your beautiful little girl through Leukemia. My heart goes out to you x (a trained breastfeeding support worker).

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  36. Jules
    April 26, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    Jaime,
    So sorry for the loss of your little Olive. What a beautiful article you have written. I too found so much misinformation out there when I began to breastfeed my first child. Thank you for being a courageous advocate for health and encouraging this nutritional, nurturing duet for your baby that nature (and God) created for her and every human baby. We need to get back to understanding that human milk is right for human babies and that being a baby is hard and we both benefit from showing baby we listen and care by breastfeeding on demand, sleeping close, and wearing baby.

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  37. Sharon
    April 26, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    A heartbreaking story. Thank you for being brave enough to share it with us. Condolences to you and your family – I cannot imagine losing a child. With love x

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  38. Tracy
    April 26, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    Hi Jamie,
    Thank you so much for this article. I am truly very sorry for the loss of your beautiful precious Olive. She certainly had the very best mom in the world!

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  39. Emilie
    April 26, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    Thank you for this post. Just thank you. My thoughts are with you, and I will gladly share this post on. Much love xx

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  40. RM
    April 26, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    As a mother, my heart hurts for you. Thank you for this message though. It helps more than you can imagine, and will touch many more people than I think you would have thought possible.

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  41. Tad
    April 26, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    So sorry for your loss. I can only image how devastating losing Olive is. I’m glad you flow your gut instincts and nurtured your daughter as you saw fit. God Bless x

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  42. JourneyInternational
    April 26, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    Thank you so much for this lovely article and for sharing your lovely Olive with us. What a beautiful beautiful girl! Im so sad for your loss. Thank you for sharing about all these things that you don’t regret, it is all such a good reminder. These babes are all such amazing gifts. You are a wonderful mom! <3

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  43. Amelia
    April 26, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    This broke my heart. What a wonderful Mother you are, and what a beautiful little girl. Thank you for sharing this.

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  44. aHarper
    April 26, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    That was so powerful! I have 3 children and have often felt these concerns of weaning and not co-sleeping, or “spoiling” my children. But as you full well know, you cannot get these moments back. Thank you for sharing your heartache and the love of your child!

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  45. Ezra'sMama
    April 26, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    Wow. Thank you for sharing! What a blessing to read about your courageous journey, your nurturing spirit and the lovely relationship you and your precious olive shared. I’ve been blessed!

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  46. kiwichicky
    April 26, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    wow your an amazing mummy , thankyou for sharing .

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  47. Cj
    April 26, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Firstly let me say how sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful daughter I have two young girls and can only imagine the pain and devastation you must be going through. I am reading this whilst my 8 mnth old lies asleep next to me. I breastfeed her and co-sleep and carry her in a wrap and have come up against people trying to tell me im making a rod for my back etc. Your blog really touched me and i have tears in my eyes thinking of that time that you had with your little angel and how precious that was and still will be for you. You had the strength and courage to trust your maternal heart to know what was best for your baby and i admire and commend you for that. I’ll hold my babies a little tighter and longer and when i do i’ll think of your little Olive. Fly high little one i know you’ll never be far from your mummys side and what a great mummy you have. Take care.x

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  48. Megan @ Purple Dancing Dahlias
    April 26, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    I sit here in tears as this hits very close to home. I nursed my son through cancer treatments for hepatoblastoma liver cancer, diagnosed just before he turned three. He is now 28 months into remission and thriving.

    Our oncologist repeatedly tried to tell us that breastmilk had no benefits to a child his age and that a better option to maintain his weight was a g-tube and commercial formula. I chose to keep nursing.

    I am sorry for your tremendous loss. Your little girl was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

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  49. Charlotte
    April 26, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    Thank you so much Maggie. I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m so glad you gave so much love to your beautiful daughter. Thanks again for sharing with everyone what you did for little Olive Leigh.

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  50. Julie
    April 26, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. My daughter, Macie Jean was born on March 6, 2014

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  51. Cmt261
    April 26, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    Although I have never had to go through the trauma that you did, I am happy to say that I did everything you did with my four children! My second breasted till she was four and my third was born..! Luckily we strong willed women can brush off the criticism, sad for those who can’t. I am now blessed with 4 adult children to whom I am very close. I believe it is due to feeding them, wearing them and sleeping together, all 6 of us! No regrets here either!

    May the happy memories help through the hard times, she certainly lives on in your heart! Be blessed!

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  52. MamaMiller
    April 26, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    I am so, so terribly sorry for your loss, and yet so glad that you were blessed with such a spectacular light as I can only imagine she brought to your life. Thank you for sharing your story. I have three children, and there is not one night that passes that at least one of them isn’t in our bed, especially our 16mo that is still nursing. We have also experienced the great comfort and closeness of baby wearing, and it’s such a wonderful asset in our lives. I completely agree to love them wholly, with everything you have. Bless you and your beautiful baby.

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  53. MamaMiller
    April 26, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    I am so, so terribly sorry for your loss, and yet so glad that you were blessed with such a spectacular light as I can only imagine she brought to your life. Thank you for sharing your story. I have three children, and there is not one night that passes that at least one of them isn’t in our bed, especially our 16mo that is still nursing. We have also experienced the great comfort and closeness of baby wearing, and it’s such a wonderful asset in our lives. I completely agree to love them wholly, with everything you have. Bless you and your beautiful baby. Sending your love and peace that transcends the sorrow. <3

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  54. Aisling
    April 26, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    I couldn’t read your story and not comment. How lucky Olive was to have you as her mother. That you listened to your instinct and gave her everything she needed. My son is 14 months. Your story will stay with me forever. Sending you love x

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  55. Cordelia
    April 26, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    Amazing! All the time we have with our little ones is precious and reading your story makes me remember this even more!!
    Thank you for sharing and for the beautiful photos of your gorgeous little girl x x

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  56. Gail1977
    April 26, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    This story is so sad, yet so powerful. That little girl, however sick she became will have always felt content, loved and secure and that is all that matters to any child. That mum gave her everything and for that, she should have no regrets. God bless Olive x

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  57. Mouse1982
    April 26, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    What a beautiful little thing. It’s sounds like you did a wonderful job and good for you for sticking to your beliefs and finally for managing to take the positive out of what can only have been the most heartbreaking of situations. I truly feel for you and only wish things could have been different.

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  58. DP2
    April 26, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    Beautiful article. I bf my 11 month old and will continue to do so until he self-weans. Your words really help make me want to do it all the more, in spite of those who believe he’s too old, etc. I’m so sorry for your loss. Olive was beautiful and your relationship with her sounds amazing.

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  59. Sarah
    April 26, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am heartbroken for you at the loss of your prescious daughter. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through but reading your priorities of loving, holding and being with your daughter to the end has really touched me. xx

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  60. Izzy and Poppy's mummy
    April 26, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    Your article brought me to tears. Your daughter was and is a beautiful angel and I am so glad you held firm with your belief in your own parenting style – little Olive will have had no doubt how much she was loved. My eldest, Izzy May, is 3 (nearly 4) and my youngest, Poppy Rose, is 16 months. Recently people seem intent on belittling on my choices for them. Izzy left our bed soon after Poppy was born by her own choice. She self-weaned from breastfeeding at 14 months without prompting from me. She gave up her dummy this xmas just gone having decided one day she simply didn’t want it anymore. Poppy’s never taken a dummy and so breastfeeding is her only comforter and she still sleeps in our bed feeding on demand. I thought – or felt – I was doing right by them but people, supposedly friends, keep making jibes about doing it this way for an easy life (these people have never fed on demand or even breastfed for that matter, much less doing it after their child got teeth so it made me angry that they felt all I was doing was basically out of laziness). Eventually encountering this opinion so often makes you doubt yourself and the past few days I have wondered… As a sufferer of PND I have imagined things happening – accidents, illnesses and even intruders bringing harm to my girls – and each of those scenarios has terrified me in equal measure. But reading your account has reminded me that it’s these things outside of our control that make me need to keep doing what I am doing. To keep giving my daughters control of how much love they need to give and take at any one time and equally to choose if and when to take any periods of independence they want to have. I cannot control or predict the future but I can control the now. Thank you for sharing such an important insight at a time of such heartbreak. For what it’s worth Olive’s legacy through you is that two more little girls have their mummy back – the mummy who wasn’t questioning herself and her choices to stay close and give emotional nourishment on demand instead of putting the dishes first! Much love to you and your family and goodnight God bless to little Olive. Sweet dreams sweetheart xxxx

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  61. Lee
    April 26, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    RIP Olive.
    No parent should ever go through this. My heart goes out to you you and your family. You’ve shown just as much strength as Julie when Pat died. I commend you both. Such beautiful, loving and amazing mums. God Bless x

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  62. cj
    April 26, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    I just wanted to say how much I admire you for even being able to write these articles, you are an amazing woman and obviously you are an Amazing mother. Olive was lucky to have someone so understanding and intuitive to help her through her short but painful journey. I too believe fully in listening to your child and giving them what they need when they need it and your article just reinforces those beliefs.

    God Bless

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  63. missegg
    April 26, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    Thank you for sharing. So sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl.

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  64. josie
    April 26, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    I couldn’t agree more and am so sorry for your loss xx

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  65. Vistana
    April 26, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    Beautiful article, so sorry to hear about your lose. It’s wonderful to hear about the joyous life you shared with Olive.
    My cousins son was diagnosed at a very young age too and was breastfeed which was encouraged here in the UK because it not only helps with nutrition and comfort it also provides immunity which is yet to be matched by a pharmaceutical company.
    My cousin was the only person I knew who breast fed and although I only see het occasionally she always comments on how great it is that I am still breastfeeding and how it was the only and best thing for her Angel baby. (My cousins baby also died although he was clear of cancer a nurse used a dirty needle somehow on him which killed him – the hospital admitted liability 🙁
    I hope in the not to distant future that medical staff are required to do a week or more training in breast feeding and also be taught about the importance of baby’s being held and co sleeping because it is only in our apparently ‘advanced’ society that these basic yet important needs are discouraged.
    Good luck with the future, Olive I believe will always be close to you xx

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  66. SMO
    April 26, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I’m sure it will uplift someone who needs it. Best wishes.

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  67. allison
    April 26, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    So very, very sorry for your immense loss, and so glad that you know you made the most of your time with her.

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  68. Beck
    April 26, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    God bless you! My heart breaks for your loss. And thank you got putting things in the right perspective for us. May you know your little girl was bless with a wonderful mom. And you are bless with an angel.

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  69. preraphprincess
    April 26, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    I’m heartbroken for you at the loss of your beautiful girl. My daughter is 11 months old.. thank you for sharing your experience. I’ll be praying for you tonight xxx

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  70. Twinsplustwo
    April 26, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    This is SO moving, thank you for sharing. Your daughter would have undoubtedly benefitted hugely from her wonderful relationship with you both. My children have a chronic health condition, I too met so much startling ignorance from health professionals about the all round benefits of breast feeding. A paediatric gastroenterologist told me there was no benefit from mum or baby after the first three months! Thank you for writing this, I hope it helps as many as possible. I wish I had had the knowledge I gained over the years about breast feeding, co sleeping and baby wearing when I started out as a parent.

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  71. CalgaryMom
    April 26, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story and your insights. What a beautiful girl. She looks so happy next to her mom and dad.

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  72. Cardboard
    April 26, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am at a loss for words as tears run down my cheeks. Thinking of your family and sweet Olive. Big squishy internet hugs.

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  73. Ash
    April 26, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    RIP little girl. What a beautiful story x

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  74. Norie
    April 26, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    What an amazing post- such wisdom. Maggie you are wonderful, an amazing inspirational mother. Olive looks so content in all the pictures despite everything. What a beautiful sweet darling baby – so sorry for your bereavement. Bless your family.

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  75. Grandee
    April 26, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    What a beautiful story of love, motherhood and self sacrifice! Sacrifice has taken on negative connotations, but putting others in need (or dependent – babies) above ourselves is ultimately satisfying and fulfilling (i.e. no regrets). Thanks for sharing your pain and the sweet memories of your daughter.

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  76. donna
    April 26, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    your write up on Olive and the bond you made brought tears to my eyes.No matter how old a child is —it’s the toughest to bury your child before you. My sister and I lived together for many, many years -she had a son and he was like my own —he use to call us his parents – he said Mom was mom cause she’d let do about anything –but Aunt Donna was the Dad – caused she pulled the reins in —i loved that child more than anything i had ever experienced –3 days before his 21st birthday – i found him dead in his bedroom from sleep apena –i had heard a thump the nite before and laughed at myself thinking there he goes again – fell out of bed -not realizing that had i of just gone upstairs i may have been able to wake him up —the lost i felt i can’t even explained —but when i thought of my loss i said to myself – i can’t even imagine the pain and heartache my sister had – this was her only child. —she was a devoted Christian who believed in the higher power –she accepted his death — still at this time 14 years later –i cannot go to the cementary because just seeing his name on the grave upset me so much –and then in 2011 his mom passed away from brain cancer –i know they are together. but i understand where you are coming from with no regrets —i know Adam knew he was loved and cherished by his mother and me –that gives me some peace in my heart. they say time heals all wounds — not true – to this day
    i miss my baby boy and his mom. my heart was broken and never truly healed. I now have a grandson who is 4 1/2 –he had had trouble breathing – croup etc —i love this little boy more than words could even say —he is going thru some testing which he has to be put out for –and of course whenever that happens there is always the chance of a bad outcome — i pray each day that the Lord will take me before Tyler — A dr once told us -Tyler is extremely spoiled —so what i say –he knows he is loved and he knows his Nana will protect him with her life. so yes, i make memories too —him coming into my room for tickle time –coming to get candy because he now knows where Nana keeps her stash of goodies —coming to kiss me good night and when he is going bye bye —i pray that the Lord will help get you thru this —for Olive is with our Lord and I believe one day you will be together again. God Bless You

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  77. Dhanya
    April 26, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    No words… Beautiful… Thanks for sharing your story…

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  78. Eam
    April 26, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    You are amazing. Truly. Thank you for sharing your story that although horribly sad is also so filled with love. I am sorry for your loss.

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  79. cortella
    April 26, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    So sorry for your loss. Hope future blessings come your way. You are absolutely spot on about having no regrets. I have done the same after watching my brother and his wife go through a horrible loss. Thoughts and prayers to you.

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  80. meandmine
    April 26, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    Some people can’t co-sleep………that does not mean they leave their child alone, scared and crying…….

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  81. Colina
    April 26, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    This was both beautiful and heartbreaking to read. I remember reading your first post and admiring your strength for sharing your story – the strength it must have taken to continue to share- tenfold. I love your advice and completely agree. As i read this my own 11mo son toddles around the room. I do not and will not regret doing any of the things you mentioned with him for as long as he wants to do them and the thought and reality that our time together is truly unknown only serves to strengthen that. When we have family or friends ask things like, “You’re STILL breastfeeding? ” or “You’re STILL co-sleeping?” I am usually at a loss for words. Isn’t he STILL a baby? Doesn’t he STILL depend on me to love, nurture, and protect him? And now add, when my parenting journey ends – be it in one year or fifty- I don’t want to regret not following my instincts. Maybe now i can find those words and maybe I can inspire or empower someone else the way you have me. Your Olive is beautiful and was so very lucky to have an amazing mommy like you. Thank you so much for sharing.

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  82. Mamarama
    April 26, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    Thank you for this lovely, thoughtful post and for sharing your beautiful baby with us. I’m just so sorry for your loss. You are doing your daughter an honor by sharing this with others. People will take this to heart and hold their kids tighter or choose to co-sleep or extend their breastfeeding relationship because of your words. Thank you, mama!

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  83. Kim
    April 26, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    I am so sorry for your tremendous loss yet so happy for the wonderful time you had with your beautiful daughter. You’re a great mom and did everything right for you and Olive. I hope that somehow gives you peace.

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  84. JoyfulJ
    April 26, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine that kind of pain.

    So glad you’ve been able to concentrate on the non-regrets. The good times. That is so much better for you and your healing.

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  85. Emsie
    April 26, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    So sorry for your loss but thank you for sharing your story and experience. I co-slept, breast fed Nd sling carried my two girls and they’re experiences that I will cherish for the rest if my life. I believe that I have a special bond with my girls as a result. Olive was lucky to have such an attentive and loving mum. Take care, x

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  86. Kristine
    April 26, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. You all remain in my heart. Your advice to follow your mama gut? That will NEVER be wrong.

    Sympathies and love.

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  87. avwall
    April 26, 2014 at 4:44 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. What a wonderful mother you were and are.

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  88. Mel
    April 26, 2014 at 4:46 pm

    Just Beautiful xx

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  89. Katherine Lauer
    April 26, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    Thank you for sharing this story. I have four children and parent as you did, and even I appreciate this reminder that I have no regrets about these choices. It can be hard to stand up in the face of cultural norms. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  90. Camilla
    April 26, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    Maggie, thank you for sharing your amazing story. I am so so sorry for your loss and can see my own daughter in your photos of Olive. Thank you for giving me the strength and courage to parent my children with love and patience and to feel confident in breastfeeding them. I will be praying for you and your family!

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  91. Dani
    April 26, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    I have no words to convey how sorry I am to learn of the tremendous loss of your precious girl. What a beautiful child Olive was and how lucky she is to have a mother who loves her so much in life and in the afterlife. I hope all the special moments you two shared with Olive will fill your hearts with light and help you through the most difficult moments. Sending you love and healing prayers.

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  92. snoangel79
    April 26, 2014 at 6:18 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss!! I cannot imagine this. I hope you have great peace in your heart that you did what was best for her and she felt how much you loved her by being a truly wonderful mom to her!!

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  93. Pauselo
    April 26, 2014 at 6:35 pm

    You are amazing. Can’t even imagine what you and your husband went through, but to be able to recognize the gift you were given is so special. Your baby girl is always with you!

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  94. Roe
    April 26, 2014 at 7:19 pm

    My heart goes out to you, and I stand with you,children can never be spoiled by love. Telling and showing your children every single day how much they are so loved is the most important thing, no matter how old they are. Show your love each and every day, sadly this isn’t done once our children get older, luckily I was a mom that always hugged, kissed and said I love you to my children every day, especially since one day my beautiful daughter never made it home one night. She was in a fatal car accident and the one thing that comforted me is that she always knew how much I loved and adored her, still do and always will. Love your children, for that is the most powerful love in the universe!

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  95. Pat
    April 26, 2014 at 7:45 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story, Olive is one beautiful girl! You’re in my thoughts, I’m so sorry for your loss.

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  96. long-tme mom
    April 26, 2014 at 8:04 pm

    My heart goes out to you; and looking back 22 years your wisdom resonates with my own experience. My children did not face major medical challenges till they were teens, but remembering those experiences, I am so glad I followed my instincts and just stayed with them, as much as possible, in whatever ways worked at the moment. Thanks for writing this, god bless.

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  97. Angela
    April 26, 2014 at 8:14 pm

    As a mother who lost three babies hours after birth (the twins would have been seven and my son six years old), one due to a fetal brain sarcoma, I have to say this little girl’s smile really made me realize everyone’s journey is such an intimate path. I will celebrate your path when I remember my babies 🙂

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  98. libbyann721
    April 26, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    Such a good mamma, you are. What a beautiful post. You are absolutely right. Well done, sister. So sorry for your loss.

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  99. Skyla
    April 26, 2014 at 9:03 pm

    I don’t generally comment of blog posts- but commenting on this one seems necessary.
    I sit here crying and holding and nursing my sweet 10 week son. I cry because no parent should ever have to lose a child. I cry because you are so right- holding our children close is SO important. Olive was so lucky to know that she was always loved and protected- that is such a special gift from a mother to a child.
    Thank you so much for sharing your very powerful story and point of view.
    I’m so, terribly sorry for the loss of your baby girl.

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  100. Lucy
    April 26, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    You are an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  101. LAR
    April 26, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    The pain of this story is immense for me, so I can’t even imagine what
    it felt like for you. My Thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  102. Jess
    April 26, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    Oh, your courage. I am overwhelmed by it. Thank you for sharing your story. I will carry it in my heart forever as I parent my own daughter. Olive clearly choose to become part of a very special family.

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  103. Erica Boyer
    April 26, 2014 at 10:43 pm

    I remember reading your blog about breastfeeding right after I had my second baby girl last November. She was born at term but was a NICU baby, just like my first. While being forbidden to hold and touch my babies for the first few days of their lives, pumping and eventually nursing felt like one of the few things I could DO to aid in their recovery. I can’t help but sit here sobbing, not only for the painfully short time you got with your perfect little girl…but for all of the mommies and daddies out there that have had to say goodbye to their children! As sick and heartbroken I feel hearing about little Olive, I can’t even imagine what a battle you fight every single day. I am just in awe of you…how you are choosing to encourage other parents to just love their babies instead of “training” them. I do know this…Olive’s life has already impacted so many people with her story. She had a purpose, and she is a special girl. I wish I could have met her. Thank you for reminding me to cherish every second with my children and parent with my whole heart!

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  104. Anna
    April 26, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    I can’t imagine one bit what it would be like to lose a baby, but she must have been a very special girl. I do agree 100% on nursing, co-sleeping, and baby wearing. With my first child I was afraid to tell others that I was still nursing my son as he approached the age of 2. With my second I nursed until she was almost 3. I never thought I would do things this way, it just felt right. It is strange to me that there are so many studies proving that nursing for at least 2 years is the best, but for some reason doctors aren’t encouraging it. You sound like the perfect mommy for Olive. I tried letting my first son cry it out because everyone I knew told me that was the right thing to do. I gave up on it and continued to rock/nurse/ or co-sleep. I still have regrets about it to this day though. I am glad you have no regrets with Olive. Thank you for sharing. I am pregnant with #3 and I will remember your words if I am ever doubting myself.

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  105. Beverly Morgan IBCLC
    April 26, 2014 at 11:18 pm

    These are the same things I do not regret still, and I had many more years with my son who died when he was 33 years old. He was a very attached little baby who became a very independent adult. The memories of him comfort me still and I am grateful for all the extra hours we had together because I did not push him away but let him grow to his independence. Thank you for writing this.

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  106. laurr
    April 26, 2014 at 11:59 pm

    I think you are so brave. Your daughter was blessed having such a wonderful selfless mother x

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  107. lynette
    April 27, 2014 at 1:02 am

    Your story brought tears to my eyes, I can not begin to comprehend your loss. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I often question the decision I made to feed on demand and to co sleep, nor because I don’t love it but because so many people tell me I’m creating problems for myself. Reading your story has put everything back into prospective, I know if something happened to my boy I would regret not having had him in bed with us everynight. Bless you and your little angel xx

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  108. Alethea
    April 27, 2014 at 1:41 am

    Thank you for your courage and generosity in sharing your story. Your love for Olive is permanent and tangible.

    I just wanted to say that when my own daughter was undergoing multiple surgeries in the late 90’s, at the Necker Children’s Hospital in Paris, breastfeeding was even more socially stigmatized in certain quarters. Its acceptability was very fragmented as a function of one’s socioeconomic and even political leanings. But the woman chief of service of the internal organ surgery department had recently had a remodel of her service and the beds available to her patients and made available to other services without assigned beds. We were able to benefit from these for my daughter’s first three surgeries. And the best thing was that the remodel she had ordered – in stark contrast to other hospital rooms experienced since – each and every one had breast pumps and nursing chairs that were convertible into narrow beds. It was entirely expected that nursing mothers – or dads feeding bottles, if that was the parent who could sleep overnight in the room – would be enabled to stay with their baby. That this availability was of great benefit to the health and resilience of that baby. And that went right along with parental instinct.

    Another excellent thing was that the nursing staff was quite attentive to parents indicating problems eg. in analgesia – again, not a universal experience.

    You have are still going through one of the most terrible life experiences it is possible to have, and can you see already how wise you are and how much you will be able to help others? Of course we could trade that back in a second for our innocence and healthy children again, but I commend your recognition that giving and sharing will also be healing for you and for those others around you who also loved Olive. Her memory will live on in you but also in the memories of your actions from now on, that you leave with others.

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  109. dorkotron
    April 27, 2014 at 2:21 am

    I was in labor when your sweet daughter died, and my son was born the next day. In these past seven weeks, I have been responding to his needs much like you describe responding to Olive. But I have also been questioning some of my choices. We nurse on demand and plan to practice child-led weaning when the time comes, but I question if I should allow my son to nurse when he is two if that’s what he wants. I have spent the vast majority of my time with my babe in my arms and at my side, to the point that I barely get anything else done, and I question whether I am making the right choice to skip a shower or delay a meal while I am holding a peacefully sleeping baby. (My new baby carriers are helping me do more now, thankfully.) And although we were planning on co-sleeping using a bassinet, we have been bedsharing since the beginning, first at the hospital where we ignored that impersonal, plastic baby holder, and then at home where my son showed a clear preference for being in the bed with me instead of just nearby. This bedsharing, above all, I question. I ask myself if it’s worth the statistical risk even thought know we are sharing very safely. I ask myself about how I may be setting us up for future struggles and if we’re doing the right thing even though I really love the time we spend together in bed. I have been doubting myself, but I’m going to stop that. Your words have given me a new lens to look through, one that overcome the naysayers, including the little one in my head. I do not and will not regret all of the time, energy, and effort I put into being close to my son and meeting his needs! I will stop feeling guilty for cherishing the moments, like us sleeping while holding hands or having his cheek nuzzled into my not-so-fresh shirt while the dishes continue to pile up. I will continue to offer him the closeness and support that my gut tells me to, and I will not regret it. Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story and for giving me the push I needed to offer love without regrets.

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  110. Katesurfs
    April 27, 2014 at 3:26 am

    I didn’t want to read this, but now I’m going to have to share it. We cannot regret anything we do with our children. I’ve always kept my babies and toddlers so close, just like you kept your little angel. I often wonder if parents would cuddle their babies more or keep them closer or not spank or whatever, if only they knew how precious their time together is. Thank you for sharing your powerful story, sending all of my love and blessings to your family and your little angel in heaven.

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  111. R
    April 27, 2014 at 3:28 am

    You write beautifully, and your story is incredibly moving. Your daughter has a magical smile, and looks beautiful and loved in the photos. My son is 2weeks old- having read all about the potential downsides of co-sleeping and feeding on demand I was planning to follow the books, but nothing prepared me for a love so fierce that I don’t want to put him down. I remember co sleeping with my own mum, who’s now passed away, and it’s one of my most cherished memories. You are an incredible mother, and Olive was and is greatly loved and nurtured. Her short life on earth was rich with love and tenderness. My heart goes out to you and your beautiful daughter. Love and prayers xxxx

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  112. Tillyd
    April 27, 2014 at 4:16 am

    Bless you for following your mommy instincts. I always know that when I look back on my life I will not regret the time spent with my babies. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you are able to find peace. Thank you for sharing.

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  113. nurseamberlee
    April 27, 2014 at 7:03 am

    I thank you for writing such a well crafted and thoughtful article related to regrets and parenthood. Although I have 4 children, I have to count my blessings. I like you, believe in the power of cosleeping, baby wearing and nursing on demand. I am so driven by my horrible nursing/delivery experience. I am returning to college (with 4 under 6 years of age, this should be easy *just kidding*) to become a nurse midwife. 🙂 so I hope to help educate and encourage women to use their bodies as God intended to feed and nurture their babies. May God be with you and your family 🙂

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  114. Bethwac2
    April 27, 2014 at 7:16 am

    Dear Jamie,
    I raised 4 of my children in the 70’s and 80’s and challenged the cultural status quo too! They each slept with us until they were 2 and a half, when weaning took place only because I was pregnant with the next one. I carried them in a snuggly or backpack until they were two. We gave up one income for me to be home most of the 12 years I was pregnant and nursing. I did work a little part time job of 2 to four hours a week. My children have grown up to be healthy, happy independent adults with children of their own. I have no regrets! Love and hugs to you and your hubby!

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  115. Teppe
    April 27, 2014 at 8:27 am

    Thank you for sharing. I believe keeping you kids close is so important. If you think about what ROTTEN means it is bad fruit. A child that knows they are loved and cared for is confident, knows how to love because you have taught them, and secure. Disipline is not punishing, but training. I applaud you because you took the time, effort and money and you made your child’s short and I am sure tough journey blessed. I have a beautiful grandchild that we only had eight days with and i carry him in my heart and look forward to seeing him again in heaven. I will pray for your family and again thank you for sharing.

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  116. Wooly
    April 27, 2014 at 8:36 am

    Oh God, I found it very hard to read this while my 15 month old daughter is playing in front of me, I just needed her in my arms. I cannot imagine what you are going through but thank you for sharing it. God bless Olive.

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  117. lisa
    April 27, 2014 at 9:13 am

    Beautiful. So.sorry for your loss.

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  118. Susan in Portugal
    April 27, 2014 at 9:57 am

    Much love and hugs to you … What a beautiful piece …. What wonderful and warm memories you have of your baby girl, how right you were to hug, cuddle, breast feed on demand, to co sleep, to LOVE your baby … God Bless ….

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  119. Donna
    April 27, 2014 at 10:32 am

    No words will ever take away the pain you feel, that said, I am truly sorry for your loss. It matters not what others think, as know one can know what you went thru unless they went thru something similar. You have precious memories to hold on to for Olive, for your family. Sending hugs and prayers to you. Thank you for sharing your heart.

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  120. lorac12
    April 27, 2014 at 10:54 am

    Just yesterday my husband and I were discussing “spoiling” our 4 month old and we realized we were on different pages as far as sleep training, co sleeping, etc. It made me really sad. Every parent wants to do what’s best for their child and as a first time mom, i question myself everyday if what i’m doing is right. I pick up my baby when she cries, she cries whenever i put her down (so i really don’t put her down much), i bf her on demand, we co-sleep and I’ve been told many times and continue to be told its “wrong” and i’m “spoiling” her…. but if feels right to me. I can’t hear her cry. Yesterday I felt so lost, but after reading this, I am so convinced i’m doing the right thing, and i feel SO much better. I will never have these moments again and although i’m tired and have my down days, I will cherish EVERY moment with my beautiful 4 month baby girl.
    I can’t begin to imagine what you or your family is going through, and i send so many prayers your way to help you get thorough this awful time. Thank you so much for sharing your story, you have helped me in more ways than you know and I will never take any of these moments for granted 😉

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  121. KatyB
    April 27, 2014 at 11:00 am

    Maggie, I have been thinking of you so much these last couple months and sending much love your way. Thank you for sharing your story. You are so strong and you are an amazing mama and I have much to learn from you. I hope you and Tom are finding peace and are able to let your community carry you when you need it. I hope our paths cross again someday soon so I can give you a big hug.

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  122. Shirley
    April 27, 2014 at 11:35 am

    Thanks so much for sharing! So sorry for your loss! You are absolutely right about being there for your baby regardless of what society norm says. My 19 month old’s paediatrician told us there is no benefits in breastfeeding at this age and hinting me to wean him off, but so glad I continue and standby my child. As much as it can be inconvenient sometimes, I don’t regret breastfeeding beyond infancy and cherish every moment.

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  123. Milkpirate
    April 27, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    Thank you for sharing your experience so eloquently your beautiful pictures brought tears to my eyes and I shared them at bedtime remembering to tell my daughter how very important she was to me. I breastfed her until she was 2 1/2, gradually weaning down in the final 6 mths as she started to want to be in the world more. I fully share your perspective on breast feeding and shared sleeping. Our babies are like warm little animals and we are designed to care for them with all of ourselves. I am saddened that in our society, the importance of the mother role is so often diminished for no end of ‘modern’ child rearing philosophies. Devaluing the gifts and bonds that we are entitled to share with our children and robbing them of their nutritional entitlement. You did so well for Olive, and you still are. Using your experiences to help other mothers to make wise choices regarding their own children and to help everybody remember just how precious everyday with our loved ones is. Everyday every moment. Thank you for your love. Thank you from my heart x

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  124. Kai
    April 27, 2014 at 6:34 pm

    I’m terribly sorry for your loss, no parent should ever have to go through that. I am a firm supporter of natural weaning and co-sleeping. I did both with my son and I’m glad I did. You are right that most pediatrians, nutrutionists, and Developed Countries place an emphasis on weaning a child early to the detriment of the child and that a natural weaning the best thing for children.

    Again, I am terribly sorry for your loss.

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  125. Margo
    April 27, 2014 at 7:02 pm

    Maggie, thank you for sharing your beautiful Olive with us. Celebrate every non-regret you can! I will help keep her memory alive by remembering your story. My three have weaned, and I cherish the memories of that too. Now that I’m assisting other mamas by promoting healthy choices for themselves and their children, I will remember to champion the holding, carrying, and touching in addition to bf’ing and nutrition. xoxo

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  126. Grace
    April 28, 2014 at 12:26 am

    I can think of nothing thoughtful or poignant to say. I remember your first post and Olive’s sweet face. I remember agreeing with you and cheering you on for continuing to instinctively parent in the hospital. I remember hoping that if I were ever to have one of my children admitted to the hospital, I would be allowed to breastfeed, babywear, and co-sleep as well. I felt the same way upon reading this but all with a sinking feeling of loss for you. My baby girl is 11-months-old now and the thought of a cancer diagnosis at her tender age is scary. I see your sweet Olive’s beautiful face and her image and story will forever be imprinted on my mind. Thank you for sharing it. I’m so sorry she didn’t stay with you. That will never be okay. It’s just wrong on a fundamental level and nothing will make it better. But, as others have said, I am glad that her life consisted of rich love and steady comfort from having her needs met. I think your message is so important and I will share.

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  127. shana
    April 28, 2014 at 11:49 am

    It was sad to read what you wrote but glad you got to hold your baby close for a little while. life is to short to live in regret. May God bless you and your husband.

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  128. Lori
    April 28, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    Sorry for your loss. There are no words of comfort now that can take away the pain, but I do want to thank you for your advocacy here, and let you know that your words, thoughts, and ideas matter. Your daughter’s life is not in vain. She will live on in your heart, and the hearts of those who have been touched by her directly, or by your story.

    I nursed both of my children, 1st a preemie, the 2nd, 8 1/2 pounds. We continued this until they were both 3 yrs old. Not that they didn’t eat food after 1 yr 🙂 , but because I just knew that it was invaluable to their physical and emotional growth. The 1st had some minor “preemie” struggles, including not be able to nurse for the first 2 wks while they tested her for allergies, viral meningitis at 6 mths, and then pneumonia at 9 mths. By the time each reached 2, they stopped being sick. AND each of them probably had an antibiotic once or twice, maybe, in their entire childhood. Both are now grown women, 18 and 28, and throughout their lives they had no trouble breaking away from me, and being independent. I will never forget those times just looking into each others eyes. It is part of the best childhood memories for me, and established a bond forever. Most people thought I was crazy… who cares.

    God grant you and your family grace, mercy, and comfort now and always.

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  129. pau
    April 28, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    What a precious angel. God bless her.

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  130. Katy
    April 28, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    Dear Olive’s mummy. Thank you for sharing this wonderful message. Thank God your little girl had you for her mummy. You gave her such a lovely life during her short little time in this hard world. God bless you all xx

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  131. mommyx4
    April 28, 2014 at 7:38 pm

    Lord Have Mercy. Your sweet, sweet baby is watching over her special mother in heaven tonight. With tears in my eyes, I feel so compelled to tell you how so sorry I am that you went through this experience. We all have such a short time here on earth. May you have peace in your heart as you share your story…God Bless you and your family.

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  132. Beth
    April 29, 2014 at 8:37 am

    Your baby is beautiful as was your story. You shared more love in such a short time, so many babies don’t get half that much. God bless you and your little angel.

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  133. Susan
    April 30, 2014 at 10:15 am

    Thank You for sharing your story. Olive was so fortunate to have you for her mom and I pray many will read, share, and learn from your story.

    With deepest sympathy and hugs,
    Susan

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  134. Andy
    May 1, 2014 at 10:06 am

    This is truly beautiful and inspiring. I read it several days ago but have not been able to stop thinking about it and about you and your family. I am sorry for your loss and glad you are able to find some comfort knowing you followed your heart in your decisions as a mother.

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  135. Learning Mama
    May 1, 2014 at 7:15 pm

    You are a wonderful being. Having no regrets is a blessing. I have 2 daughters: a 2 year-old and a 3-month old. Ever since she was born, I feel like I am not giving as much attention to my 2nd one as I had given my 1st one when she was born and the reason is that my 2 year old acts like a 2 year old: needy and whiny. But whenever I look at my newborn, I feel her calm nature, her sweet personality and I just want to hold her. Because of this article, because of your story, as of tomorrow, I will start wearing her again. It gives me back aches, but I don’t want to have regrets. I am tandem nursing both of them and was thinking of weaning the oldest because it hurts when she sucks (teeth position) but I don’t want to have regrets so I am going to try harder. Thank you for your story. My heart goes out to you and so are my prayers. Love, xxx

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  136. MrsKniglet
    May 3, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    Beautiful, this has made me pull my little angel even closer to me

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  137. MrsKniglet
    May 3, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    Beautiful, this has made me pull my little angel even closer to me

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  138. Bronwyn
    May 5, 2014 at 4:05 am

    My heart breaks for you Maggie. God bless you and your family and comfort you through this tragic loss. What a gift you gave your precious Olive by breastfeeding her and being with her constantly. Can I be bold to say that she knew she was immensely loved.

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  139. Katie
    May 7, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl but so glad that she was so loved so much and thankful for you sharing your experience. I think I know the other blogger you talk of and I’m sure that your beautiful Olive and her beautiful Pat will be playing together and watching over their amazing mamas much love to you xxxxx

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  140. AshtonsMama
    May 8, 2014 at 2:48 am

    Oh my goodness. You have brought tears to my eyes with your story. I’m so sorry for your loss mama, but so glad that you made her little life so wonderful while you had her. I also don’t believe you can spoil a baby and my 6m son loves to be worn close. I was in my second to last semester of school, just about to graduate, when he was born preterm. I spread my last classes out, quit working, and am spending every possible minute enjoying my sweet little man. I hope you have encouraged more mama’s out there to do this. Hold your sweet girls memory tight. Much love to you.

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  141. Tameka
    May 8, 2014 at 3:15 am

    AML leukemia… The type of leukemia I am to hear a survival story. You poor, poor mum watching your baby go through that. It’s just so sad to hear. You are a very smart mummy for keeping your baby close and breastfeeding whenever she wanted. Perfect memories for you with your perfect little girl.

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  142. Legless
    May 8, 2014 at 4:49 am

    It still saddens me that so-called “experts” try to push parents into their own, strictured, view of what is right for a newborn. The thoughts and feelings and even the cultural beliefs of the parent are usually ridden roughshod over, in the name of some faceless manual that they’ve read, at some time in their careers. As a father, I was gobsmacked by the lack of consultation with myself and my (then) wife, about what we wanted for our child. That was 30 years ago and I mistakenly assumed that things would have got better, by now. How wrong I was. Reading this has shown me that nothing has changed. Both the article and the comments leave me recalling, with dread, the birth of our daughter. Credit to you for publishing this!

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  143. Sethsmummy
    May 8, 2014 at 5:00 am

    Beautiful. I feel for your family so much. And I agree with your parenting style completely even tho my mil is against everything I do. Glad you got the special time with olive.

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  144. IdunesApple
    July 4, 2014 at 10:38 am

    I am so sorry for your loss, That is such a sad story, I could not even imagine going through that, RIP little Olive. Thank you for sharing your story, It makes me really glad in my parenting choices, I do not regret anything I have chosen for my baby

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  145. Ashley
    July 5, 2014 at 10:43 am

    As a cancer patient and first time mother I needed to read this today. Our daughter is 8 months old and I am constantly being told I’m spoiling her…..I want no regrets with the time I have to spend with her. My heart aches for you but thank you so much for your words.

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  146. Tanya
    July 6, 2014 at 9:28 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I read your first piece and this one brought tears to my eyes. May little Olive rest in peace.

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  147. Timaree
    October 1, 2014 at 8:00 am

    Thank you so much for writing this. Your daughter was so beautiful and clearly felt the comfort of her strong attachment to you. While my son was almost three at diagnosis, we still had a very attached hospital experience. We co-slept when it was comfortable to him, held him (he had gotten too big for his carrier), and generally continued with all of the same comforts he had known his entire life. I am so glad he never knew a night of crying in his bed. I’m glad he got to nurse as long as he wanted to (in the hospital, while had already weaned, one of his major comforts was keeping his little fist tucked firmly in my shirt). The nurses and doctors noticed how secure he was there, and it made for a positive experience with his caretakers. He trusted them. He knew they–and we–would be there.

    When we learned he was dying, the hospital staff came together to get us a bariatric bed–a huge hospital bed we could all fit into. My son spent his last days cosleeping with both of his moms, inviting his nurses and aunts and grandparents into his bed. It was a beautiful, beautiful thing. I’ll never, ever regret it.

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  148. Gram
    October 26, 2014 at 9:42 am

    My philosophy has ALWAYS been–God gives us babies to ‘spoil’ and they cannot truly be spoiled until they learn to say “No”–until then they can only be “comforted” and “reassured” and a baby who is always reassured on demand soon learns they do not have to demand and so are not as “needy” as those who have to demand a lot to get any reassurance. I am so glad you shared your story.

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  149. Ruth
    July 17, 2015 at 1:49 am

    Idk if you’ll see this. But I was blessed with a healthy baby boy almost 5 months ago, and is exclusively breastfed. My brother was blessed with a baby boy almost 2 months ago, and unfortunately, he was diagnosed with AML at one month. I pump as much as I can for him and I pray to God it helps him somehow. I’m sorry for your loss.

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  150. Madelene Antrim
    April 10, 2016 at 5:22 am

    I have two living children and a daughter who died less than an hour after birth, I will *never* regret nursing both of my children past the age of two, co-sleeping, and baby wearing. I only wish I had had that opportunity with Ivy. Much love from afar and solidarity.

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