Brian walks in from a long day at work.
- Me: (Sitting on the couch) Careful!
- Brian: (Thinks he is about to step on something and fumbles to a stop) What?!
- Me: I am currently ovulating. I just read that women who are ovulating are most attracted to dominant men with masculine body types. I also read that women make themselves more attractive to men when they are ovulating…basically, I’m irresistible…Come any closer and you don’t stand a chance. This is your warning.
- Brian: Why are you lisping?
- Me: I’m wearing my retainer.
- Brian: What is that stuff on your face?
- Me: Retin-A.
- Brian: I think I’ll take my chances…