Clever Cleavage- Jessica’s Story

Everyone Meet Jessica!

Breastfeeding, for me, typifies mothering. It nourishes, comforts, heals, and soothes. I love nursing my children, and I love to talk about it.

When I had my first son 5 years ago, I assumed that I would put him to the breast and he would eat. Not quite. After flat nipples, pumping and feeding with a little plastic tube, nipple shields, bleeding, cracking, being diagnosed with Reynaud’s phenomenon of the nipple (blood vessels spasm, crippling pain), and a poor little boy with horrible reflux, I declared myself the “Job” of breastfeeding. It took six months before I felt comfortable nursing. Once we settled into our around-the-clock nursing routine, I wasn’t about quit when my son turned one. So we kept going. It’s so perfect to be able to comfort a toddler who just fell, to quiet his tears, and hold him close when he’s tired and weary. It’s one of the most special times of my life. After his second birthday we were down to nursing just 2 times a day. Around 26 months I slept in the guestroom and my husband snuggled him back to sleep. After the 3rd night he was done. Weaned. And I fell apart. I remember driving in the car, alone, and just weeping uncontrollably. No one told me what happens to the mother when you wean! I was a mess. But we grew into the next phase of our relationship, and I have not once regretted nursing him as long as I did.

When I got pregnant with our second son, I started planning for the nursing drama. But it was so much easier the second time. Not worry free, but great. I had boldness, experience, and I wasn’t going to be deterred by anything or anyone. He didn’t start eating solids until 9 months, and to this day he nurses to sleep every night. When I get annoyed or tired or need a break, I just remind myself that this moment when they are small is so fleeting. They will be old and running and reading and I want to have these nights to remember. To look back on their childhood, knowing that we savored their faces, and snuggled them every chance we got.

When I am in public and my child wants to eat, I find a place that’s comfortable for us and we go for it. I have nursed in Costco, Whole Foods, you name it. And the looks that I get are met with my confident face, knowing that I am doing what’s right for me and my child.

The other day I was at a friend’s house for a meeting and my son wanted to nurse. I turned to my friend and said, “Sorry.” “Don’t be sorry, go ahead!” she said. “No, I mean sorry that I’m not sorry and I’m going to unabashedly flash all of you and I don’t even care”. That’s where I’m at.

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Write a comment
  1. Daphne 2 June, 2012, 20:22

    I love this. Tears. Thank you for sharing this Jessica!<3

    Reply this comment
  2. Linnea 2 June, 2012, 20:28

    Yes!! So true it is so fleeting. When you are in the moment of breast feeding it’s amazing and sometimes draining ok very draining, but they really are little breast feeders for such a short time. Before you know it they barely fit in your lap then they won’t let you hug or kiss them in public (boys). Way to go Jessica, you are a great mom!! Your boys are very lucky.

    Reply this comment
  3. Brittney 3 June, 2012, 10:25

    Love, love, love the last few line….” sorry, that I’m not sorry!” thanks for sharing

    Reply this comment
  4. Karen 3 June, 2012, 19:38

    “‘No, I mean sorry that I’m not sorry and I’m going to unabashedly flash all of you and I don’t even care.’ That’s where I’m at.”

    That’s awesome! I’m going to commit that to memory ;-) I look forward to finally being in that place. I nursed my older daughter for 15 months, am 5 months in with my second daughter, and I’m just now slowly starting to see a more confident breastfeeding future! Great story and great pictures <3 Thank you for sharing!

    Reply this comment
  5. Lea 3 June, 2012, 23:42

    I love this post! I especially agree with the sentiment that you had such a hard time breastfeeding that you didn’t want to stop once it started working. That was exactly how I felt! Still nursing at 22 months and my little one show no sign of slowing down.

    Reply this comment
  6. Dottie M 4 June, 2012, 12:26

    Love this entry. Sweet, and I agree… not ready to wean, treasuring every moment, even when my 2.5 year old “hangs on” as he is getting sleepy, with his teeth, ouch…. LOL…. love it! Sharing! Thanks.

    Reply this comment
  7. Carissa Jackson 6 June, 2012, 10:00

    I love the breast feeding Q&A entries! I’ve been here for an hour reading through your blog. So wonderful.

    I wanted to ask a question in regards to breastfeeding– do you have an entry on a woman who breastfed with implants? or know of any other blogs/resources? All the information I’ve looked up has been so discouraging. I’ve had my implants done 2 years ago and now my husband and I will be trying to get pregnant by the end of the year. Breastfeeding is something I know 1000% I want to do but I’m looking for more support. Thankfully, I chose to have my incision done under the breast fold in order to not damage nerves. I also was fortunate that my implants have no “hardened’ or scar tissue areas. I’ve heard these are all great things for women who want to breastfeed with implants. Any tips on preparing? or success stories on a woman who had implants and breastfed? Or women who chose to get implants out before getting pregnant? (is that silly to even think?)

    I’d so very much appreciate it!!!

    Reply this comment
    • Jamie Lynne Author 6 June, 2012, 23:42

      Carissa- Yes my mother and sister both had implants and breastfed (my sister had the same set of implants in for 4 pregnancies and 15 years of breastfeeding!)

      I’m the odd one out- I was the only one that opted out of having implants- but if I had them I wouldn’t be too concerned about successful breastfeeding. It is more likely that you will be able to breastfeed than not. Maybe call your local LLL and ask if there is a leader that has implants and is willing to speak to you about it. They are very knowledgeable.

      Reply this comment
      • Carissa Jackson 7 June, 2012, 21:44

        Jaime- thank you for the support. Your mother and sister’s story encourage me! I’ll definitely look into a local LLL. Again thanks :)

        Reply this comment
  8. Lacey 12 August, 2012, 01:08

    I NEVER wanted to breastfeed. It didn’t appeal to me, it was foreign to me, it was creepy to me, and I didn’t have anyone encouraging me to do so. At 19 I had twins, it wasn’t even on my radar to breastfeed them. At 22 my son’s father tried to pressure me into nursing our son. I rationalized that I couldn’t since I hadn’t with my twins. At 27 and on baby number 4 I decided to try it for at least two weeks. My youngest is now eight months old and we are still going strong :)

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