A friend approached me recently about natural (medication-free) childbirth. I had chosen to pursue a medication-free childbirth with my son 3 years ago for several reasons, the least of which may have been a fear of needles. My friend was also interested in pursuing it, but everyone kept telling her that she was naive and would be yelling for an epidural once in labor. She wanted to know how natural childbirth was for me, whether I would do it again, what was helpful, and what was distracting.
After telling her that I received the same comments from those around me (and that I attempted to use them to fuel my resolve for a medication-free childbirth*), I answered her questions in this way:
PLAN AHEAD AND HAVE A COACH
Photo by Melissa Heffelfinger Photography
First, I would not have been able to do it if my husband and my doula had not had as much information about alternative pain relief and the reasons to not get an epidural as I did. My husband and I both read “The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth” (at least, he did the first half or so). We also attended an estimated 30 hours or more of natural childbirth classes together. So, I would definitely do as much as possible to have your husband or partner involved with gathering information and planning. Talk about what you want to do in early labor, active labor, how you want to push, what role you’ll need others to play, etc. For example, my husband and I had a secret hand sign for when I was wanting the doctors and nurses to leave so that he and I could have some privacy to discuss a decision.
HOW WAS NATURAL CHILDBIRTH FOR ME?
…It’s doable. When you get to the point where you feel like you can not do it anymore – you’re almost there, so don’t give up! We learned this in our childbirth classes and it was true for both myself and a friend of mine; we were a matter of a couple of hours away when we got to that point and started pushing soon after that. I will attempt a natural labor with no medication again next time, however, I didn’t feel that way right after labor. At first, I felt like, “WE ARE HAVING NO MORE KIDS!”, then about a month later I felt like, “IF we have kids IT WILL BE A LONG WAY OFF!” and then at two months or so I would say, “If we have kids, I am getting an EPIDURAL!” Now, I really want to get pregnant again and labor naturally. So, my point is, I’m not going to say it was easy, but I got over it.
WHAT WAS HELPFUL DURING NATURAL CHILDBIRTH?
40 weeks pregnant – I had no idea I would wait another week for labor to start. (Photo by Melissa Heffelfinger Photography)
Labor pain was different than any pain I’d felt before, not just because it was more painful, but because it is a different kind of pain. It’s not like you stubbed your toe and now you hurt, or you broke your arm, or some other kind of accident. Labor pain is supposed to be there and it has a purpose. This was what I kept thinking about. It was helpful for me to use that as my mantra during labor. A friend’s mantra was that she and her daughter were in it together — it’s not easy for the baby either, but your bodies work together to make it happen.
It was also helpful for me to remember that the average birth is 16 hours, so I didn’t expect the baby to just pop out. My labor was about 17 hours. My friend’s was 12. However, I ignored the clock for a long time until my doctor said, “We’re going to have this baby before 7.” ( I DID NOT.) So, ideally no one mentions time. You might want to consider talking to your doctor or midwife about this beforehand. I specifically chose an OB who was supportive of medication-free childbirth. I can not say enough about how much of a difference it meant to me that my OB truly felt that my birth was my birth. She was incredibly supportive of whatever I wanted my birth to be, and we talked about laboring in the tub and her history with medication-free childbirth at my first appointment.
I walked around for the first 6 hours or so of labor, and I think this helped progress labor and keep the baby in a good position. For me, I simply couldn’t be sitting on a bed for hours at a time. I needed to be up and moving around.
As much as the hospital staff (except my OB) discouraged eating during childbirth, I had planned ahead and brought simple snacks as a way to signal my body to re-energize. The hospital also provided me with popsicles (thanks again to approval from my OB). I will never be able to tell you how good that food tasted during labor; it was heavenly.
During pregnancy, I also trained my body to respond with relaxation to certain scents. I attended an aromatherapy clinic during pregnancy where I was able to have several natural oils, sprays, and lotions tailored to my needs and preferences. I used these during baths and before sleep while I was pregnant so that my body would associate these scents with relaxation. There was also one lotion that had oils meant to increase contractions, which I used only during labor.
I used an exercise ball. This allowed me to be seated, but be upright enough to keep the baby in an appropriate position. It also allowed me some rhythmic motion which helped me deal with contractions.
“The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth” helped me. “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” is also good, but mostly full of anecdotes. The friend I mentioned above said she liked Ina May’s guide, though.
WHAT WAS DISTRACTING?
I had my heart set on using a portable hot tub for pain relief, but the water at the hospital doesn’t get very warm because they have a safety limit on it, and the tub also leaked water. Once the luke-warm water filled the tub, it was so cold that it actually made the pain worse and give me chills. The leaking was a serious safety issue. These issues actually ended up slowing my labor and causing me frustration. Next time, I will probably just use the shower (at least if we’re at the same hospital).
When I was pushing, there were several different types of tones from machines — the incubator, the doctor’s beeper, lights, etc. At the time, I had no idea where they were coming from, and it was very distracting and made me lose focus during pushing. Several months later, my husband and I talked about the noise level. Next time, he will be in charge of telling the hospital staff to turn off whatever they can or, at least, lower the volume. This also might be better in a birth center than a hospital.
Brand new baby Hoover cuddling with Daddy
Ultimately, the thing that helped the most was gaining as much information as possible about natural childbirth, so that I didn’t have to succumb to social expectations for induction and epidurals. To have a successful medication-free birth, especially in a conventional hospital, you will have to be informed and steadfast (if not stubborn) regarding your decisions. I would never expect someone else to pursue a medication-free childbirth, whether they were even interested in it or not, but I hate that it is acceptable to belittle a mother who wants to avoid an epidural. As hurtful as it was for my decisions regarding birth to be disrespected by people I respected, I’ve since learned that, as parents, we have to make hundreds of careful decisions about the health and well-being of our family and children without concern for what someone else might say. This is the central theme that I love about “I Am Not the Babysitter”. The point of this community is to allow parents to feel supported to make the decisions that are right for their own family, and that is what initially attracted me to this blog.
Truth be told, the naysayers didn’t say much about natural childbirth after I’d done it.
***Side-note: I want to point out that a common way to belittle moms who want to avoid epidurals is to say that we “have something to prove”. This very rarely has anything to do with why women choose to avoid epidurals. This type of comment irks me, makes me a little sad, and is hurtful to the empowerment of all women. Here’s why.
Kendall Hoover is a web content and non-fiction editor who helps bloggers make money on their blogs, and improve their pagerank. She is also Secretary of Fayye Foundation and is passionate about pre- and postpartum care for mothers. She is a military spouse and mother to one toddler son, so when she’s not reading or writing, she’s the project assistant on elaborate Lego projects.
Reading “Childbirth without Fear” by Grantly Dick-Read and everything that Sheila Kitzinger ( http://www.sheilakitzinger.com/ ) has ever written about birth. These helped me relax and let my body work, stopped me working *against* my body and meant my second labour was virtually pain free. (My first wasn’t nasty until a Dr got involved and put me on my back and into stirrups) I’m no hero, I’ve not got an amazing pain threshold, but labour shouldn’t be excruciating, pain is our bodies way of telling us something is wrong, and, our bodies are designed to give birth. Sure, it’s hard work, and parts of it are uncomfortable, or hurt a bit at times, but a normal healthy labour shouldn’t hurt that much. Relax, stay upright, let your body guide you. Med-free isn’t impossible, or horrific. My broken toe hurt more than giving birth, and I know which I’d rather experience again!
I can definately relate to the postpartum feelings. I had a bit more pain than I think most women have after childbirth because I had to have stitches.
I agree with getting a doula, mine also worked at the hospital so she knew everyone and thanks to that I got the BEST L&D nurse. She didn’t even ask us when the anesthesiologist came she just shook her head and he left (or so I was told later, since I didn’t even know he came). When we needed a little suction because I could not figure out how to push she reassured me it would be ok and it was.
The only other thing I would emphasize is to be flexible, and I don’t just mean pregnancy stretching (though it helps!). I brought in an exercise ball but it didn’t really work for me because of all the blankety blank wires I was hooked up to! The frustration could have made me tense up and delay labor but I really tried to just go with the flow and come up with other methods (like playing tug of war with my doula across the bed using a towel – haha!).
Stitches are more common than I thought! I had twelve at my birth, and I have no friends who didn’t have any. Our doula was a life-saver as well. Our hospital had doulas on staff, but we traveled about 2 hours to get to the hospital because I specifically wanted to birth there, so our doula was local.
I agree regarding being flexible — that’s a great addition. I think a birth plan is kindof like a wedding — you have to just count on something not going as planned, but you do what you can to be prepared and remember what’s important. I ended up having my waters broken manually at 7cm, although I hadn’t planned on doing that. (-Kendall)
Titles with the word ‘surviving’ childbirth instantly puts it into a dangerous category.
It’s a normal and natural process. Sure things can go wrong but so can anything at any time.
I found the environment surrounding me helped to have a natural water birth. The birth centre rooms at the hospital I was at were homely with no distracting hospital settings and noises. The lights were dimmed and it just looked like a bedroom.
Also reading about Hypnobirthing was a big help as well. Learning and understanding how your body works during labour and breathing a certain way during each contraction with visualization made it easy as. And reading lots of other women’s positive natural birth stories.
Also no negative talk. I quickly told husband to shut up when he said “I feel your pain”. I just kept saying there was no pain but something I just had to breathe through for a minute or so.
This was for my second birth and it was amazing!!! First was gas, pethidine and an epidural.
Using mind over matter and being very stubborn, lol and knowing I could do it made it all the more easier.
I agree! Labor is natural and normal — my husband always gets annoyed that people treat it as an “illness”. Although, I think we, as a society, don’t treat postpartum enough like an illness – we expect women to be back at it far too quickly, in my opinion.
I actually meant “survived” in more of a playful manner – because people were always saying things like, “You’ll never survive childbirth without an epidural!” (-Kendall)
I’m afraid I’m one of the women who had an epidural 36 hours in. I only wish I had, as you pointed out in the very first paragraph, made it even more clear (if possible) to my husband how important it was to me to have him help me to say ‘no’ when it was offered. I won’t be having any more children, and so it’s something I’ve had to work through – I was pretty disappointed in myself for a long time. In the end, it wasn’t supposed to matter, because my baby was beautiful and healthy, but it did. So, my point is, that for women who are intending to do it this way, make sure to prepare yourself, because you might be the only person who is behind your plans, and prepare your doctor and coach as well.
Although I do agree, I’m not going to just tell you that if everyone was healthy, it doesn’t matter, because I know it’s disappointing. Anna, I’m so sorry you didn’t have the birth you wanted. (-Kendall)
It really helped to create a birth plan and share it with my doctor, then gauge his reaction to my wish list. Things like avoiding cutting, stiches, and not breaking my water were on the list, but were given a “wait and see” status. And unfortunately, I had to deal with all of these. The attending OB had broken my water before I was really even aware what I was agreeing to. And later, it became clear the baby was very big, so tearing was likely– a tiny cut was seen as the best option.
But sticking to my guns on no epidural, that was the big one on my list, and my doctor was very supportive of that, since everything looked healthy going in. So, yeah, I saw the videos and was fully expecting there to be pain. Avoiding it completely seems unrealistic for anything short of a “twilight ” birth– a dangerous practice from earlier in the century when women, incredibly, went under general anesthesia for normal, healthy deliveries. Definitely, I was expecting pain, but what surprised me most was at how eager my first nurse was to get me going with drugs. I wasn’t screaming at her or anything, I was actually pretty calm, trying to focus so hard on a photo that I tuned most everything out. Anyhow, at one point early on, before I was very far along, she asked my pain rating, 1 to 10. When I responded with a 4, she was incredulous that I did not want to make arrangements for drugs yet. I felt increasing pressure from this nurse; she came around often with comments like, “You know, once the window passes, you’ll be out of luck,” and “You can’t change your mind and ask for drugs after a certain point, no matter how much you might curse and scream.” Geesh, thanks lady– back off! Thank goodness her shift ended and I got a perfectly lovely nurse, who was happy to not only read our birth plan, but helped get me set up in a rocking chair that proved very soothing and rhythmic. My first child was almost 10 pounds, so the pushing seemed to go on forever, and I’m very glad I could feel the pushes, or progress might have slowed.
Natural childbirth was an easier proposition for #2, since my firstborn had really paved the way. My second child was induced to prevent another 10 pounder, and after dialing up the pitocin, contractions got me to 10cm very quickly. Labor pains were a much shorter period of time, and thus easier to to handle the second time around. After only three pushes, my lovely daughter arrived.
Natural childbirth provided one of the most amazing “natural highs” I have ever experienced, not to mention I felt pretty darn proud of this accomplishment. When sharing birth stories, people often react with amazement, so it remains a source of pride for me even today, over a decade later. If labor progresses trouble free, as one would hope, giving natural childbirth a try will be an experience like no other!
(From Kendall)
We experienced less than supportive nurses as well, but also some who were very supportive! I think we faced more of this because we were in a conventional setting – had we felt more comfortable with a birth center, we might have been better off. As it was, our son ended up in NICU for about a week, and we were so very happy to have been at the hospital we were — where our son had his own room, and we were given a room after discharge to stay on the NICU floor.
Unfortunately, I never experienced that natural high. I kept waiting for it and it never came!
I was induced… I was 9days overdue and i had a huge belly (everybody thought we were having twins) and i couldnt sleep painfree anymore everytime i wanted to turn aroumd i felt like crying… After inducing i got tramal painkillers (valium based) and after that all was over for me… I was dizzy and i felt so sick all i wanted to do was lay on my right side… my midwive wanted to get me to turn over or to get on my knees but judt felt like throwing up. I hated it! I couldnt proper relax in between because of felling so sick and i had up three contractions in one go. I am proud however to have managed without pda thanks to my midwife. She postponed it until it was time to push. Unfortunately because of my laying around ella turned face up so it was harder to actually push her out. Her heartrate dropped until the cut me and helped by pulling and pushing… It took us 14hours for our baby girl to be born. My plan for our next birth will be no inducing until absolutely medically neccessary and no bloody painkillers!
(From Kendall) I’m so sorry your first birth was traumatic. I have heard a lot about the difficulty of inductions, though they are necessary sometimes. When I was in active labor, I actually fell asleep for a few moments between contractions – it’s a much different experience. I think it’s great to have a plan for your next birth – keeping in mind that there might be some things that don’t go exactly according to plan.
Kendall,
Thank you for sharing your story, I love reading birth stories! Your aromatherapy idea is great. I’m impressed that things went close to plan. I know so many that veered off course (my own included – I figured I’d have an epidural and ended up unmedicated). Wishing you all the best with your next baby!
Yes! Our birth wasn’t *all* sunshine (I did tear, and the doctor did break my water manually, and our son spent a week in NICU), but we were prepared for small changes and were really satisfied with it.
I would say from my wife’s experience – and mine supporting her – that ACTIVE labour is around 16 hours. Latent phase, or what people call “slow labour” where contractions aren’t actually doing anything to open the cervix – can be days. My wife was in latent phase for 24 hours with our second, but then active labour was only 3 hours, with stage 2 – pushing – at 1 hour.
She had gas and air and she tells me she wouldn’t have been able to cope without it. She believes natural labour – not induced – is definitely less painful than induced labour and epidurals and inductions shouldn’t be used routinely.
Hi, Michael! I’m so glad you were so involved with your wife’s birth. My husband actually wrote about half of this post — he remembered a lot more of it than I did, and was so supportive.
Statistically, labor (including first – third stage) is 12-18 hours for a first time mom, and active labor is 6.5 hours – although 50 years ago, it was 4 hours. It varies greatly, though – no human body is alike! (From Kendall)
What a timely post for me to read. I am 40 wks pregnant and any day we will have our baby. I usually get epidurals but this time , my last, I am not. Thank you for your post.
Well, as Kendall’s little sister all I can say is that I’m still in the stage that Kendall grew out of after a few months- I remember everything and would prefer she never have to go through that again! I remember constantly trying to control my “fight” response to you being in so much pain. I was so ready to take down your husband, the doctors, the nurses, the stupid ridiculously loud machines, the little tiny creature who wouldn’t just be freakin’ BORN already etc etc. But, then he came, he peed on me, and we were best buds. That said, I couldn’t be more proud of you for choosing the birth that was best for you and your son!
I had an epidural with my first for medical reasons (they needed to drop my blood pressure). For the other four, I went natural as I had always planned. Interesting how everyone is different – after my second (first natural birth), my first thought was, “I could do that all over again!” I found it very empowering. Mind you, my labour was five hours, not seventeen…