I found this photo of myself as a child yesterday:
My first thought: “That is a massive scrunchy.” My second thought: “I’m bottle feeding my baby doll.”
Perhaps to retaliate from our anti-breastfeeding culture many women decide to become anti-bottle feeding as a response.
I have friends who will not allow their children to have dolls that come with bottles. They will throw away the bottle that comes with the doll, and some have even purchased the “The Breast Milk Baby” for their children.
While some people may think it is extreme, it does make logical sense to me. Our kids have such a disadvantage to having a successful breastfeeding relationship with their children because of Western societies anti-breastfeeding views they will be bombarded with their entire lives. Taking out bottles as play for a child would give your child and early foundation of breastfeeding as biological normal feeding for a human.
However, if your child wants to bottle feed his/her baby and you’re unsure what to do to- I don’t think you should burn those toy bottles just yet.
This photo of me as a child reminded me of how much I enjoyed playing with my dolls and toy bottles. Children are extremely perceptive. I knew that my dolls were not real. I understood my own desire to become a mother one day, and it would be different than playing with dolls. I also LOVED playing with my dolls. My favorite part was “feeding” them with their bottles. I had dolls that would cry until they received their bottle, dolls that would “drink” water and urinate afterward (changing a doll’s wet diaper was really exciting to me), and bottles that would have disappearing milk and orange juice in them as you turned them upside-down. The simple pleasures of a child, right?
I always believed that I would breastfeed my children, even as a child. My bottle feeding dolls did not confuse me. I always have had strong positive memories of being breastfed by my mother, then when my sister had her baby I developed another positive view of breastfeeding by watching how she cared my my niece ( my sister is fourteen years older than me and had her first baby when I was nine years old). I learned from them why they valued their breastfeeding relationships with their children. If you don’t want to let your kids play with bottles, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. However, don’t think that a plastic doll and bottle will change any thoughts on parenting you have instilled in your children, through example or conversations.
I want my boys to know there are many healthy and acceptable options in life. Even something as simple as the explaining pumping/formula feeding/breastfeeding and why each option can make sense depending on the family is important to speak to them about early on. If they choose to have children one day and end up bottle feeding their babies (out of educated choice or because it is the only option available), they hopefully will have been taught to feel no guilt or shame in caring for their children the best way for their families.
With that being said, the plastic bottles get to stick around in our house. However, bottles are not the desired means of feeding dolly as of late:
Aram (2 years old) breastfeeding my favorite childhood doll.
Samuel (a couple of weeks after he came home from Ethiopia) breastfeeding the same doll. He was really excited when he saw it because he said the doll looked like him. He still sleeps with it every night!
I have to agree with you. I used bottles with my dolls as a child. I remember KNOWING they were just toys. I come from a BIG family of breastfeeding women. I thought breastfeeding was the only way to feed a baby until I was 19. When I was getting everything ready for my daughter to arrive, I didn’t even buy bottles. I have always known that I would let my children wean themselves.
Your boys are too cute!
Oh, I am so happy to hear from another mom that had the same experience as a child! The creative play with bottles I truly don’t think will change what we already have instilled in them as normal. That is my hope, that my kids understand my our society has a stigma against breastfeeding, and then goes beyond that to also see how normal it really is. Nothing should get in the way of how they want to parent healthfully. Although, by the time they are grown I hope this won’t even be an issue.
Those pictures are fantastic. I can’t wait for my daughter to take care of her dollies whether it’s with a bottle or not!
Thanks Bryn! Oh my gosh I can’t wait to read about your adventures in your life. Thanks for blogging your family’s journey!
I used baby doll bottles growing up and I breastfeed my babies. My children have had dolls that come with bottles. They think it is fun to ‘feed’ the baby that way and I’m ok with that. They also pretend to nurse their babies and my oldest has pretended to pump. I just found out I am pregnant with twins so I am sure they will also pretend to nurse two at once when they see it being done.
First off- Oh My Goodness! Twins?! Congratulations Stephanie! How exciting!!!!!!
And that is adorable your oldest has a pretend pump. There is nothing more beneficial than watching mommy parent. I bet they will start tandem nursing their dolls soon!
I don’t really have issues with my daughter (or son, though he has outgrown any doll phase he might have gone through) bottle feeding her ‘babies’… but I throw them out – the pacifiers too – because they get lost and then there is a meltdown. Oh, well.
I was pondering this JUST yesterday – my daughter (23 mos) has a dolly with a bottle, and it’s always kind of nagged me (my mom bought it for her, I probably wouldn’t have picked it out with the bottle to be honest) that that’s not what I want her to “practice”. BUT she has always been with my husband during the days while I work, so bottles were a part of her daily life, even though whenever I’m around it’s all boobie time. So yesterday I said “who drinks from a bottle?”…she answered “ba-ba” (she’s not a super clear talker yet)
and I said, “yes, like when baby’s with Daddy. And what does baby eat when baby’s with Mama?” and without missing a beat she answered “na-na-ma” (mama milk)! It was so sweet. This bottle has a little magnet that sticks it to the baby’s mouth, of course it’s fun to play with and use. And I too have fond memories of those doll bottles, and the disappearing OJ or milk. 
I do believe kids are going to model after what they live with day in and day out, and she’ll remember nursing plus have many years to come of seeing me nurse future siblings.
I really appreciated your thoughts on this!
As you have said before, society has such a hard time accepting that we can be both nurturing beings and sexual beings, and in fact, they’re both essential to normal human life – period.
That said, whether we like it or not, breasts are both nurturing and sexual organs. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with a child being curious about reproductive processes or mimicking nursing (it’s so adorable that your boys do this! it speaks volumes about their healthy relationship with you as their mom and their understanding of love and bonding), but if they haven’t shown an interest or curiosity, I wouldn’t want to expose them to any potentially sexual themes before they’re ready.
Just like when a 3 year old asks where babies come from, it may be enough to simply say “they come from my belly,” and that might be enough to satisfy his or her curiosity until they’re older, without having to explain about sex.
What it all boils down to is I wouldn’t buy my child a nursing doll for the same reason I wouldn’t buy them dolls who can have sex in order to have a baby.
These processes are normal and natural, but I do think it can cause potential harm to encourage a child to act out adult roles and processes.
Does that make sense, or am I totally crazy?
And of course, disclaimer on this comment: I agree that mothers should parent their children in a way that works best for their family. I have absolutely no problem with those who have different views on this than I do!
My son does the same thing with his Elmo and teddy bear! He tells me “mammi, baby titi” and lifts his shirt and gives them titi. So cute!
I nursed all three of my kids, my first weaned before she was a year, my son nursed until he was close to four, and I’m still nursing my toddler. And all three of them have always bottle fed their babies. I don’t know why. But in the same way that they’ll use a carrot stick as a gun if they want to play shoot games, I’ve seen them use a block and pretend it’s a bottle. I have no doubt that my girls will breastfeed, or that my son will be a supportive nursing dad – but there’s something innately cool about bottlefeeding too. I’ve fed enough babies that aren’t my own to know that there is something very sweet and nurturing about snuggling a baby and giving them a bottle.
“What it all boils down to is I wouldn’t buy my child a nursing doll for the same reason I wouldn’t buy them dolls who can have sex in order to have a baby.
These processes are normal and natural, but I do think it can cause potential harm to encourage a child to act out adult roles and processes.”
Feeding a baby any which way is an “adult role and process,” though. If you look around you will see children modeling tons of adult roles and processes. I think you are sexualizing the breast where the child is seeing the nurturing/feeding. I don’t think it enters the kid’s head — I think adults have been programmed to think of breasts as men’s playthings (for the most part and I hate saying that but I can’t tell you how many times men have used the words “play with” when it comes to their access to a breast.) I think the Breast Milk Doll is more normalizing than anything and will help balance our twisted up culture and the obsession with a breast being solely a sex object.
I mostly breastfed my dolls as a child. My mom nursed both of us, so I am sure it was just what I assumed from seeing my mom breastfeed my brother. My own daughter is fed expressed breastmilk from bottles. Like Aram, she was a preemie, but she never took to nursing quite as well as he did, despite my best efforts. She will nurse occasionally, but it never became full-time. While I hope to show her a healthy nursing relationship with our next child, I want to teach our kids primarily to trust their own instincts when they become parents.
I loved feeding my dolls. I had every possible type of bottle, baby food, spoon, bib etc. I loved changing their diapers too. I grew up in Germany (Army brat) and all my dolls were gender specific and anatomically correct. Growing up I never saw anybody breastfeed their baby. I had my first baby when I was 21 years old. The (US Air Force) OB delivered her and placed her on my stomach and said, watch how wonderful nature is…then she amazingly inched herself up my chest, found my breast and started nursing. The OB then said to me, breast milk is all she needs for the first year. Powerful words that changed my life! I now have three biological daughters. We hope to also adopt in the near future. My younger two, ages 2 and 9 breast feed their dolls and stuffed animals. We have toy bottles that came with the dolls. Mostly they pretend they are shots or sippy cups. Yesterday my 2 years old found an odd shaped dog toy at a friend’s house, laid it on its side and placed 4 plastic bowling pins underneath it. Her 2 year old playmate walked by and said “Oh babies are hungry”. My daughter said “yes. doggie has chocolate milk.”