Read part 1 here.
The 411 about Post Adoption Depression Syndrome (PADS) and Attachment in parents:
1. PADs is educating doctors on the subject of Post-Partum Depression (PPD)-
Doctors often attribute post-partum blues to dramatic hormonal changes that occur after the birth of a baby. However, psychologists often link new mother’s depression to the sudden overwhelming demands of an infant and new financial responsibility, as well her loss of professional identity, social networks, and personal freedom. Sometimes depression is simply about not getting enough sleep or time to oneself. -SOURCE
Now that people are speaking up about their PADS doctors are realizing that hormonal changes may not be the catalyst for PPD.
2. Your attachment may not be immediate, and there is no set timeframe that you will attachment.
It can take weeks to years. I’ve even heard that one family said it took seven years for the parents to have identical feelings for their adopted children as their biological.
3. There is nothing wrong with you!
I’ve talked to many people who felt this way and thought maybe they made a mistake and they weren’t cut out for adoption. No! This is a normal part of the adoption process, and it will pass.
4. Adopting is DIFFERENT than having a biological child.
People don’t like talking about this, either. I think because adoptive parents have fought so hard to prove to other people that their adopted children are just as much theirs as biological children. That is so true, but….another truth is that is it is also different.
Biological children come as infants that have gestated for (hopefully) 40 weeks getting familiar with their biological mother’s heartbeat, voice, and they will be familiar with her smell when they are born. There is almost always an instant attachment for both parties when the child is born. Adoptive parents don’t have that time to spend bonding before “meeting”….
Also, there is only one person being added to the family with a bio birth. However, in adoption children can come from any place, at any age, and whether you like this or not (and in my opinion it is one of the most beautiful aspects of adoption) your going to be forever connected with an entire new family, not just the child.
There are so many different variables in adoption, I can’t imagine why attachment would be the same as it would for a biological child. It is also unique for each parent and child.
5. 65% of all adoptive parents suffer from PADS.
That isn’t including minor bonding and attachment issues.
Im glad you are talking about this Jaime. I thought I was the only one. I brought it up once in the cloth diapering group but haven’t really talked about it. We became foster parents to my husbands sisters kids when they were taken by cps. I never thought of adopting them but after a year and a half cps said they would never go back with their parents. We were told to adopt or they would find another family to take them. It was such a fast process and we didn’t want to risk never seeing them again so we adopted. It has been 7 years since they came to live with us and the attachment issues have gotten so much better but I do still have some attachment issues.
Oh Marla, I’m so happy that someone is openly commenting about this! Thank you.
I was reading the more children (biologcal and adopted) you have (also if the children are older than infants when arriving home), it can drastically change the amount of time it would take for bonding.
With all the children in your house I think it would be unthinkable for you to attach in the same time-frame that someone might attach to their one adopted infant. You sound totally normal…(not that that makes it easier to deal with, but it is nice to know)
Have you thought about seeing an attachment therapist? If it is bothering you that you’re not where you want to be, it might be worth checking out. I know a lot of adoptive parents that are seeking out attachment therapist for themselves.
I am so glad you have spoken about this. Every single adopter that I know has had some form of it and I certainly felt it was totally taboo to discuss.
Hey, did you know that bonding is delayed in about 30% of biological mothers (delayed = more than a matter of days). Influencing factors include a baby who was in NICU, traumatic birth, and not breastfeeding. Not to diminish the importance of talking about PADS, but it’s widely misconstrued that a mother should bond immediately with her baby whether biological or adoptive and sometimes it doesn’t happen right away in either case. Bonding CAN be a separate issue from postpartum depression, and maybe “issue” is the wrong word. It’s not THAT unnatural to not feel immediately connected to someone you feel you’ve just met. Anxiety about bonding (or lack thereof) can make the situation so much worse. I think general awareness of the reality of these situations is really important for both adoptive and biological cases.
Kendall, Thank you so much for bringing this up! Yes! I did…i was one of them. Aram, I had a c-seciton, didn’t see him for three days and it took a couple of weeks to start bonding with him. You should guest blog about this on my site!!!