Samuel came home three years ago today. Looking back, it was a strange day full of a lot of emotions. There was the anticipation of his arrival which of course was exciting (a new family member is coming home!), but, even so, there was a lot of fear. Brian and I felt fear and, of course, Samuel did, too. He met me three years ago today. I always try to put myself in his place and it makes me incredibly sad.
Oddly enough, the transition home was really smooth. I think a big part of it had to do with having Aram. They were the exact same size and inseparable from the moment Samuel arrived home. It was interesting to see how language didn’t matter a bit. They were able to communicate to each other exactly what they felt or wanted.
However, this day, three years ago, with all of it’s uncertainty, made me feel unsure of the future of our family. Would he ever be happy? Would he ever accept us? Would we have a close-knit family or would we be looked at always as the strangers (or worse) that I felt we were in that moment?
With all that being said, we want to honor this day and what it represents. I see the beauty of this day, but it is also a day of mixed feelings, and maybe when Samuel is older he’ll want today to be a day of celebration, but right now we treat this day with a gentle respect. I look at where we were 3 years ago, and then I peak over this computer screen to see my children snuggled up in our bed with my husband discussing the fun day ahead of them, and I think of the journey taken in three short years: the separation, the reunification, the relationships, the celebrations, and even embracing the heartache- That is what we want to reflect on today.